domingo, 17 de julho de 2011

College Life

For many people college means the time of their lives, they really enjoy to make new friends, party all time and have shallow conversations laughing about nonsenses. The colllege is the last step to be accepted in the youth society, if you never did something now it's the time for you to do it, everything in college is intense and I already heard some people saying  it's the time when you form your personality for the rest of your life, it's too when you'll make your friends forever. Most people remeber college as the place and time where they had the greatest and happiest experiences.
What can I say about me? Once again I disagree more than ever. It's the 4th year I spent in college and all I've improved is my resitance to failure I won too a big amount of regrets and disenchantments: socially, personally, academically...
 Well I never was brillant at college even because sometimes in my college it looks like studying or not it's the same, the professors teach everything so badly and say you have to know everything're in college trying to learn something but the say you have to know it! Although there are some (few) of my  fellow students that say that what they're "learning" is so interesting and useful and they love the teachers....
You only could understand me if you spend a day on that place I really can't find anything interesting there...not what they "teach" us, not even people...where are the smart and dynamic youth? not there!
There you can find a lot of boring and annoying people spreading swagger and continuously asking what subjects you passed or failed, which grades you have and if you fail: "do you still having that subject?????", things like that. I can't handle that anymore that's why I decided to became an outsider after 3 years of knowing and hanging out with lots of different people: from the "popular" ones to the freak ones...they all have one thing in common: lack of personality and respect others' opinions...they all are morons and I decided not to hang out with them. The fact is that I've never met so many idiot persons in my entire life!
For you to have an idea it's common in that college we only speak with other fellows sometimes so sometimes we know each others other times we're strangers, also some people ask you to borrow stuff and never get me back my books and notes. Some people that said they're my best friends and then quit college and never again said nothing to me or respond to my tentatives of reconnection...but they do have a facebook page and sometimes they put likes in my stuff. Isn't modern human relationships so awesome?????
And useful things it's not there I can find 'cause I'm studying Engeneering and we never have to solve really engeneering problems, the fact is that if we go to an enterprise now and our superior says us: "look there's a problem in that photovoltaic panel go there and solve it!" we sure be most likely to say: "I don't know anything of solving pratical problems but if you want to I can bring you a fantastic physical demonstration of the photovoltaic process!". Sooo this is not an engeneering method. it's not useful for knowledge or business or for the environment...BASICALLY YOU HAD TO STUDY A LOT AND READ A LOT BUT YOU STILL NOT KNOWING ANYTHING!

So I got so unmotivated that this semestre I reduced my time studying because last semestre I studied a lot and I failed in two hideous subjects I'm so tired of studying for years, one of that subject had an interesting evaluation method: I had two parts, the 1st part of the exam was made of 5 questions in which you had to put a cross in the correct one (but look out! there could be more than one right or all of them could be wrong or all could be right!), the 2nd part of the exam consisted of exercises. The problem was: they only correct your examination if you only pass on the 1st part but to pass on the 1st part you only could have 2 cross answers wrong! Well I won't forget how much I studied for that shit and even spent 6 hours (1st exam and 2nd exam) doing an exam for nothing! The other subject I studied a lot and failed, I don't know it seems that reading for the 2nd time that stupid physics book wasn't enough and they made exercises totally different of what they did at classes. Well for the 1st semestre at least I passed the last math subject and they said it's the most difficult of the graduation. Well this semestre I studied a little less, and it's true that going to the classes or not it's the same! And I'm not the 1st to blame about my college! I hate when people ask me if I didn't study as an explanation of my failure...but if you had several exams just to fuck you, you would change your mind. At least it's not only me failing although studying, wake up early and go to's something really frustrating dealing with your inexplicable failure. It's not me the 1st to say that in that college professors demand much more than what they explain, I think it's a common problem in Portugal (no wonder why we suck in many ways): they say you should have known. Do you want to know my honest opinion? it seems like their method is to fuck the lives of as many students as they can!
I really don't feel like talking about what college it is, but it should teach us Science (faculty of Sciences), it doesn't look like science to me to have all the time teachers saying you to go fuck yourself when you have doubts: "You should have known that!!!". I'm so pissed!
Can you believe this? I had a new subject they invented for my graduation it was called: Renewable Energies but it didn't look like it! We had almost nothing where to study, I found awesome book in bookstores about that but we didn't talk about that interesting things, and in tests and exams they asked us to calculate only stupid things as solar declination, azimuth and solar time...there were huge questions Wtf! The results weren't too good of course.
I wish I just could blame myself, it meant I could change this but when we get to the point of having to deal with our wasted effort is very frustrating and I own several depressions due to that too. Now I'm finnally on summer vacations depressing about college, and this is killing me! I wish instead of studying I used that wasted time being with family and making friends or going out or learning music or working and win money...instead I spent several weekends on college studying for nothing! How do you think I feel?
Despite of all that I have to deal with annoying people asking me when do I graduate, what I've done, what I haven't....but the most annoying thing I have to deal is with people thinking my degree is cool just because of its name (that's how I get trapped!). Well it's Engeneering of Energy and Environment but trust me it's not like it seems, it only has a bit of Energy in master's degree but my colleagues say that teachers don't give a damn about teaching it well, you have almost nothing where to study and they are helpless! And then when you do 3 years of graduations (without failures), a graduation project, a master degree of 2 years and a thesis you have no internship you go try to find it and if you're luucky for a couple months they accept you and teach you things without paying nothing, sometimes you're profitable for the entreprise other times you're useless...if you're useless they kick you out of course but if they like you and/or you're profitable they let you stay and maybe, maybe will pay you something...not too much nowadays business can do anything they want with their employees, it's almost sure you get underpaid, and now in Portugal it will be implemented a new law of: fire without any fair cause to dynamize businesses...
And now we see 30 years old people living at their parents' house or in rented rooms when by that age they're parents were married with a stable and reasonably well paid jobs and could start a life and have family.
Forget about starting a new family or getting married I just want my economical and financial freedom so I can live alone, be independent and have my money to travel and do thing I like.

Back to my lousy college, for you have an idea I had a subject called: Climate Change! But it had nothing about anthropocentric causes, we only talked about El Niño and la Niña and about vulcanoes....with lots of stupid physics equations that didn't describe anything about what is going on! In fact in college is where I've met the most idiot persons who not even believe in Global Warming caused by human economical activities! And I said them: "look if CO2 is a green house gas and most part of cars expell CO2 and it goes to the atmosphere, as many molecules of CO2 as much heat they will Global warming, no?". Well they did a brain wash, or they don't even have a brain and said "No!".And they were not joking...

All that I know about Environment it was due to my research, I never ever learnt anything useful at that damn fuckin' college!
It looks like a lot a huge bunch of crazy idiots completely insane are there to difficult your life as much as they can. I even had a subject about economy and trust me the exam did not evaluate if you knew anything about economy...I failed that too.
All I want is to forget this year, I would forget the last 4 years if I could, all I want is that shit (college) to be over pick that damn stupid paper of graduation and move on elsewhere 'cause all I wish is take advantage of my potential. In news I read several countries need engineers well I would accept anything to get out of here: to Brazil to Norway! I read on that newspaper too that in a way this is bad for Portugal too because it is an investment that will serve others it works as a decapitalization of knowledge!Let me ask you what knowledge????? I think I never learnt anything! I can't fix any machine, I have no pratical idea about what a machine does! Oh, I fear never learn anything there besides study uselless things without any application! We almost never put anything in practice and we are not prepared to solve any problem!Also Portugal graduates lots of persons and as a small and economically stagnant country we don't need so many graduated persons! What happens in other countries is they're developping faster than they're graduating people! But we shouldn't stay here if we have no job even because  the unskilled labor almost doesn't exist: The European Union policies ended with our agriculture and fisheries...and we let our politicians do that. Now we can't do pretty much anything than get out of here...or change it!
I know I shouldn't talk this way about my college and country but it's what I think and feel and I'm not the only one. I only continue because I just want gratuade, gain some job experience in the area and do my best to immigrate, the major problem is foreign companies want people with experience (of course the diploma isn't worth it without experience and it means you must know how to do something which in 5 years of college not counting with failures they'll never teach you!). That's the most difficult part, gain experience in the area!

Well, going back to college, it was the time and space I met the biggest amount of persons, made some connections and spend my days saying "Hello how are you?", without nothing more, sometimes I even forget I really talk to that persons because we never had a real conversation and sometimes people think I'm rude. Going out with friends? Well most people I hang out most part of time don't usually go out and even if they did they wouldn't go with me, but if  anyone asks me to go out (specially this summer) I'll clearly say no! I'm so fed up of everything that reminds about college that I even can't stay with college people! We know wanting or not, the conversations will be about college and things we "lived" in college and I really don't want to be any close to that! I hate college so bad that I even can't stand with persons from there! About meeting new persons I really don't give too much confidence I know they will abuse of my sympathy and then I have to be cynical or rude...I rather be rude so my option is try not to talk and fast the conversations as much as I can. I know they will start making comparisons with grades and making me feel even worse than I feel about my college performance. Sometimes I just wish nobody talks to me and I say them to go fuck themselves and their stupid fake smiles. I do anything I can to be alone and lunch alone because almost everyone have done anything less than fuck my head when they talk to me. They don't ask about my life because they are concerned or like me, no they only do that to make me feel worse than. Here's the new for you: please I don't want to know anything about your damn life I think you shouldn't care about mine so just leave my fucking hell alone.
So here's my balance of 4 years of college: I should have my graduation taken and I didn't, I have no real good friends, I don't go out, I don't have fun, I study to fail, I never worked or done anything I liked.  Haven't grow up academically or personally all I wish for is the day this time of my life is over, I would speed up the time if I could, my only objective is get the diploma and move out. College life has been one of the most painful times of my life and I just want it to be over! I can't deal with too many failure, pressure, social disability, confusing and depressing  feelings.

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