sábado, 13 de abril de 2013
Sorry, I am not sorry
I used to have suicidal thoughts because no one liked me, but then I wondered "and you? do you like yourself?", I used to hate me, but then I looked at everyone around and their way of life bothered me, everyone wants to be happy, loved, normal...I was never meant to be regular, I am this crazy, different, strong person, I realized I like myself after all and I don't need other's to like me, I want to travel, learn a lot and accomplish all the things I think I deserve for myself, I deserve a lot of good things and I think I am a good person even if people don't like me.
The most important thing is stopping hating yourself for what you are not, and loving yourself for what you are. I did that, I know I have a lot of flaws, but I am ok with that, it makes part of me I will not even try to change it just to please somebody else. Some of my so called flaws such as negativity, seeing things in the dark side, keep people away from me, but honestly I am not eager please their endless desire of positiveness, they all want to suck love out of you...everyone needs other people's acceptance and love so they'll be ok, I don't!
For instance, when I have lunch alone it's because I want it, people invite me to join them, but most part of the time I dont want it, I am not really interested in listening anything that normal people say, and I know that normal people are not interested hearing what I want or like to say, they often try to piss me off, and trust me, I am not the kind of person who let's other people step on you without being mean to them as well.So I read books, a lot of books and learn so so much more than being with other people talking and talking without saying anything, wanting to know every single detail of you and your life and saying that I make no sense to them. What I hate the most about mingle is their judgements, they're always judging you, making constructions of what they think of you...it really wears me off!
I'm a loner, not really looking for someone in particular, even because I can't find too much interest in other people...normal people have no appealing to me, who comes in my life will come, who's gone will be gone, all I really just need is myself 'cause after all we are all alone no matter what and you have to find confort inside yourself and be your best friend.
I feel like I have no friends no matter people keep saying they like me,I do not trust anyone right now, I built some high walls, yes I did, but it was just to see who cares enough to break them...I'm protected inside this walls and the self-respect and love I gained for myself nobody will ever take it away anymore.
The fact I feel like I really don't need other people gives me a feeling of freedom...and there is nothing better than to be free. Think like this, if you're not eager to please anyone else, you will not do things you don't want or don't like to please other persons...and so you'll feel better with yourself, and it's easier to be you and to be free. Just bear in mind that when you say to other's yes, you're not in fact sayng no to yourself.
I used to be my worst enemy, now I'm my best friend...and that's ALL I need.
Hanging out with stupid people that only want to change who you are and bring you down or fake people who pretend they're your friends and are ill-wishers can low your self-esteem and make you have wrong pespectives of yourself, make you dislike yourself and ultimately increase your chances of an early death by committing suicide...."Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounded by idiots" Sigmund Freud....Some people can literally make you sick, you have to be ok alone (not everytime), you have to be your best friend, if no one else likes you, it doesn't matter when you like you, be just you, don't feel sad for being alone, be your best friend.
Being yourself has a price, and the reason why we have so many me-toos in this world is that very few are willing to pay it.
I am what I am,and your sympathy, fellowship, company or approval are not needed!
Sorry, I'm not sorry for being myself. I like me, I really do and I really don't care what you think about me, I don't think about you at all.