quarta-feira, 26 de novembro de 2014

If this is living...

The reason I am writing this post is because I think I should pay tribute to someone very special that just passed away in the last rainy Sunday.
I hope my writting may relieve me from all this effervescent feelings of pain, sadness and mostly revolt and incomprehension.
A cousin of mine, with 19 years old died of cancer, his name was Rafael and he was one of the most pure, kind and inocent persons that ever lived in this unfair world.
We were not close but to know he died so young and he suffered so much makes me cry rivers of tears. I am not used to go to funerals, and my last one was of my grandfather that died old, with 78 years old, so going to a funeral of a 19th year old kid is someting extremelly sad and unreasonable.
I am skeptical about everything: life after, death, gods, God, souls, ghosts...but if there was something I used to believe it was in karma: you get from life what you deserve, you get what you give...but not in the case of this little boy, he didn't deserve anything of he went through.
Which can only make me believe that the world is far from fair...the only thing that keeps me connected to life is sadness and pain, the rest is just of mist of numbness and incomprehension...and I am no one to talk about pain compared to that litle boy!
Some people say that we have to learn with him is that life is short, so let's make the most of it while we are healthy and alive, we should have fun and seek happiness...but I don't learnt that from this kid's life and death...my opinion about life won't change: it is an absurd, a painful one, makes no sense to begin, makes no sense to end, you don't ask to be born, you don't ask to die, all is forgotten, it is like it never hapened, all that you were ends, all of your memories gone... and that is something you realize when you go to a 19th year old boy funeral and see people cheat chatting....positive sayings never seemed so vain and sick to me "life goes on", well your goes, his doesn't. So it doesn't really matter! I just don't see their point.
Because I am a bit depressive people tend to say that maybe I should be gone instead of all those people that die and want to live, but they miss the whole point of my feelings, it's not that I want to die, it's just that I really wish I was never born, because being conscious gives me sadness, and I am terrified about living and dying, and getting old, and stop existing, and saying goodbye to my loved ones when they will die and the fact that I know everything will go on without me...I don't know, life makes me feel unconfortable because I see no point in all this shit, and I don't have any plans of making anything great or big because I am afraid I'll put too much effort in something and waste time when I can die anytime anywhere for no reason: no one controls their bodies, their fate, other's fate, neither our minds! We are slaves of our minds, and don't bullshit me with meditation, it takes hours to empty your head and then feel happy...you're happy and in peace because there is nothing inside your brain...and that is why dumb and ignorant people are the happiest...well I don't want to be like that, in fact I  find happy people more shallow, incapable of deep conversations, thoughts and even feelings. But as Hemingway used to say "happiness in happy people are the rarest thing I know". I don't want to be an ignorant person, not so happy people write the best songs and books, what do happy people do and write? NOTHING! Even because they are so ignorant and uninterested that they don't even read. They build that little castle of fantasie and surround themselves with pretty lies and call me a toxic person for shaking up their lies up: "talking to you is depressive go away!", it happens when my happy side wears off and I don't make them laugh anymore...sorry for not being your LSD all the time! Go find some other jerk to produce serotinine in your brain!
Let's just face it: unhappiness makes part of life, and there is no need to take pills of anti-depressives everytime reality punches you in the face, or watch stupid comedies or hear stupid music, nice to hear but say anything about anything. Besides if you never feel sorrow how are you supposed to feel joy? You cannot feel one thing without the other!

Most part of the time I even feel guilty and shame of being happy, specially when I am not doing anything to help people who can't feel a 0.1% of the happiness I have and I don't feel like a  selfish bastard grateful for it, most part of the time I feel like feeling this good is criminal. And other thing, I learnt, specially from this boy that it doesn't matter how much you love life and fight for it, because that bitch may not love you back and just leave you.
So if all you learnt from this was: life is short, let's make the most of it an have fun, I don't blame you but I just think it is way to shallow and meaningless...notice how people use other's misfortune to feel good about themselves...oh this happened to that person I have to be grateful for not being like them! Self impsoing to be happy just because someone is less happy makes no sense to me I can't see the point of it, it is just like you can't be happy because there is someone happier than you!
Other thing is the endless and selfish search for the utopia of complete and absolute happiness: it doesn't exist! Stop searching for that! You can only feel happy if you taste sorrow, and all passes and takes turns...but it is so crazy how people have that idea of the selfish pursuit of happiness: I want to be happy, I, I, I, I, I, me, me, me, me...you say you have to be happy all the time because life is short and soon you will be dead, I say it doesn't really matter if you are happy or unhappy 'cause both will disappear forever and it will be like it was nothing. I like feeling ok, but I don't force myself into it, I think not feeling ok in such a mad world is actually very natural, and this imposed dictatorship of happiness makes me sick. I think leaving something or someone you didn't like and therefore were attached to are easier than when you attach and love something or someone that much...so maybe not liking life makes easier to lose it...I don't know.
Back to my cousin, if life was fair, he would have a different life and right now he would be ok at home.
I saw him on this last day of life, doped in morphine, taking deep breathes, there he was beatrayed by his own biology, betrayed by his own body wanting to live and be ok and not being able, only he must know the anguish and torment it was...wanting to live desperately while his body was dying! 
I see you at night in my mind, that picture of you is the closest to an angel if angels are real, you were a pure heart, smiling boy, always happy I wish you had a better life and still alive.
 I can't believe you don't exist anymore, I can't believe this happened to you...your place is not in a dark, silent, lifeless graveyard sealed in a coffin surrounded by corpses of strangers...your place should be sleeping at your home, in your warm bed, watching cartoons with your cat, sister and mum...I can't believe you're gone! 
I am so affected by your cruel and early death that I dreamt about you last night, you know after we left the graveyard I had the strange feeling someone was missing there, so in my dreams while we were saying goodbye to each other, I saw someone opening the tombstone and getting out, running to us with a smile and saying: "Why did you leave me here? I wanna go home, don't leave me here all alone!". 
"I'll see you in my dreams, I'll see you in the sky, I'll meet you anytime, night or day, we'll meet under the stars,we'll walk unfraid, I'll hold you in my arms, I'll listen to your words, lie under your heart, I'll see you in my dreams, in my dreams, I'll wait, all awake."

There is another world, there is a better world, well it must be...

So long Rafa!

quarta-feira, 8 de outubro de 2014

Morrissey concert

This MondayI had the absolute privilege and joy to see a living legend of music singing. That's right, I attended Morrissey's concert at Lisbon, thi 6th October, and I can perfectly say: now my heart is full (although he did not sing this song...well he has so many and they are all great it's crazy!).
You know, we now live in a world, where everything is artificial and politically correct, you cannot say what you think and feel completely, you have to find subtle ways to criticize, well...you better avoid criticism! And the songs all day in radio and TV are rubbish...that songs are meant to keep you entertained, no message, no polemics, no troubles, 'cause people don't want to think! And the only way that nowaday's super stars have to shosck is overexposing the topic: "sex" (how can anybody feel shocked anymore? like Marina and the Diamonds says in her song "sex", we have seen everything and nothing is provokative anymore...not even for kids. We all know about gametas, and other body fluids, the hormones your body produce that keep your brain happy, the endorphines that are released in your body stream...and when it's not in a scientific perception you can see it, softcore in movies and sop operas....and well you can also surf on the internet where an entire Universe of gigabytes of porn are filling tons and tons and tons of optical fibre and terabytes of memories...just so lonelly wankers can jerk off epelling about 250 million sperms which apparently makes men happy...neverthless porn is a tabu, it shoudn't!). Anyways celebrities find in sex a way to have publicity, so girls take her clothes off and get naked, and it's shamelless 'cause we all know that's how they get famous and boys appear in their video clipes boasting about screwing harems of girls...as if it was a good thing to be a whore, right? Moreover, every rockband or rock snger has the motto: sex, drugs and violence. Basically, rebels with no cause. And then, there is this guy, Moriissey, the antithesis of rock, he doesn't boast about sex, he doesn't care if people doubt about wether he is gay or bi or asexual, he doesn't do drugs, he doesn't drink, he doesn't party and surelly he is not violent, he has a really kind heart, and you can see that by the way hhe treats animals and care about them. Only good-hearted persons can feel that deep, and a man who mistreats animals is not kind.
Ok, sometimes people say he's rude and difficult to deal with, may be, but all misanthrtropists are and that's because they can't stand the human hypocrisy, their falsehood and wickedness. Also he doesn't change to please other people, he's genuine, straightforward and that's something rare in such and hypocritical world!
So he's cool being the extremelly opposite of other rock singers, also he really does have things to say, and even if the songs are a bit sad, he has a soundtrack that makes it kind of an happy sad. It's been like that since the Smiths.
Most part of my acquaintances do not know Smiths or Morrissey, well he is not mainstream. Mainstream hates him and he hates mainstream, and I love him for that too.
Morrissey songs have true meaning, and he sings with all his soul, and all his heart.
And I must admit, I think I am like him. Actually some friends of mine have said: "you are soooooooo Morrissey", and it really sounds like a compliment: the pro-animals cause, the early vegetarianism, the rudeness needed to make people understand you want to be alone than with bunch of idiots, the polemic ideas, the straightforwardness, the ultra sensitivity against the horrors in this world, the sarcasm, the braveness and courage to speak out loud your ideas with no fear of being excluded, criticized, unloved just for being different, the misanthropism, finding solace in loneliness...
About this specific concert, well regardless of him saying several times "gracias" instead of "obrigado" (big ofense here we are not spannish! if we were this would be Spain, and well it isn't...it's just close to ok?) it was terrific. His voice is so human and I just couldn't believe I was seeing him.
He sang 4 songs of the mythic band "The Smiths": "The Queen is Dead", "Hand in Glove", "Meat is Murder" and "Hand in glove". And I cried when in the background of the stage there were pictures of animals being tortured and killed in slaughter houses...I don't eat meat too, for more than 10 years, and I just can't see animals being mistreated...it was awful and painful to see, but hope people change and think twice before continuing supporting the meat industry by eating animal corpses that they insist calling food. Morrissey told us to buy a spray and write on McDonalds publicity placards "shit shit shit no no no".
I cried also in the Asleep song no shame on that, good music gives me shivers!
Besides criticizing the british royal famly (in the song "Bring the bride down the aisle", there was a placard with Kate and William picture and a legend saying "United Kingdumb"...just not to mention "The Queen is dead", with the queen showing the middle finger), Morrissey sang more songs with meaning, deep message and fantastic melodies, actually in "I'm not a man", he trully states his misanthropic view of things..."I'm not a man I'd never kill or eat an animal and I never would destroy this planet I'm on", in "Worldpeace is none of your business" he criticizes the way our society is, like we're paying taxes to make war in other countries and we are suppose to never ask questions, simply work, pay taxes, never ask why, vote and support the process, overwhelming lyrics and melody, must teall ya.
In the song "bullfigheter dies (and nobody cries)" there's also images of bullfighting.
I loved the concert, I love Morrissey, I love Smiths....I really find comfort by knowing that there is someone out there that is as a human wreck as I am: maladjusted, clever, human (in the real term), that has no fear of being hated by just being true, being real, someone with a cause, a message, someone who really cares about giving animals a voice...people like him, really make me still have hope in humans....some of us are good, even if they are always rejected by this sick society. I can say he's like a role model to me, a hero maybe, I feel like he may be some of the few persons who could possibly understand me because we are much alike, so I'm glad he exists and I saw him.
Also heard some news he's ill, I really hope he gets better, because the world needs people like him. It's always a surprise and very recomforting to see a person with compassion, personality and soul.
Thank you Morrissey! :)

quarta-feira, 1 de outubro de 2014


HUMANITY is conflicted over whether it is worth decimating the planet to maintain the supply of desirable consumer goods.
50 per cent of species have disappeared in the last 40 years, prompting debate over whether animals are better than phones and burgers.
If we continue this way, 40 years more and it's all wiped out! 
I feel so fucking sad and hopeless! We are a plague to this planet!

More readings:



sábado, 2 de agosto de 2014

So am I a loser?

it's funny, nobody at a certain age likes living with parents, and their parents, even not really saying it, are looking forward to get rid of them at some point. True! But why are you considered a loser or a scrub to live with your parents and a winner when you stop living with parents and live with some random guy or girl,paying a mortgage for the next 40 years, sharing a life and paying the same bills, or getting married and then become a parent continuing the endless cycle of domestic discussions and mutual agressions? people are strange. What puzzles me the most is the fact if you live at your parent's expense after the 18 years old (which is not always nice, you know, you hear a lot a stuff from your parents, and they will always try to control you and submit you to their will because it's their money and their roof so you follow their goddam rules) but living at your parents expense makes you a loser for the society, but having someone who will live at your expense (aka kids) make you a winner?
Sorry but I'd rather be a loser and then be alone forever.Losers are free ;)

quarta-feira, 23 de julho de 2014


Well I think we all have to agree, what's going on in Israel is a genocide against non-jews, it's something criminal against human beings, dare to say, it's a crime against humanity and if things continue this way, Palestine will totally disappear sooner. It's sad because I think a folk who were so mistreated and almost extremitated throughout the years and years of History should behave differently than the way they were tretaed. But again, religion stands in the way and both sides believe they were the chosen ones by God, so they kill and kill themselves like it ever happened since the very fisrt beginning. This video from Nina Paley depicts it very well:


Israel is a HELL!!

segunda-feira, 16 de junho de 2014

Do we deserve this planet?

Of all the species on the planet, there's only one who can't live in tune with the environment patterns and breaks all the harmony in nature...guess who is it? are we worth living after all?

terça-feira, 13 de maio de 2014

Mum's day

No one would accept to have a job 24/7, with no breaks, no rest on holidays, no vacations, and if you had a life just sort of give up that life in order to perform this very demanding job, year after year with no salary right? That's what I think, thanks mum but I'll never be like you, I've better stuff to do than give up my life and dreams in order to the continuation of the human specie (which is doomed by the way). Others will do and call it love, I have a life ahead of me.


domingo, 30 de março de 2014


And it really sucks when people don't understand that and don't simply fuck off and leave you alone! -.-
Because detachment is not that you should own nothing or no one, but that nothing and no one should own you!

quinta-feira, 20 de março de 2014

Happy international Happiness day

Happy sperm day

9 months after that won't be than funny!
Well...I have a sarcastic dark side humour that's for sure, I have a tendency of breaking every tabus and joke about the awkwardness of life...and since I've written a post mocking the mother's day, here came the time to joke with the father's day.
We were all a sperm right? I mean, that was what actually made us, what we are what we look like partially its owned to a random fastest sperm...(the other ones with lots lots of genetic information got lost and died...if the other sperm were faster than you, you wouldn't be here reading this and your mum would be equally happy for having that other baby don't you doubt about that) I must admit that I fell nauseous abot this ever since I discovered the story of the storks were bullshit! So yeh right we kind of were in our father's balls and then on our mum's vagina in which we "lived" 9 long months...how cute!

I know I say a lot of crazy stuff that shock people, and I'll keep on saying without caring if people like to read it or not (if u don't want to read my stuff you know what to do, don't read this). So here's another one: on this father's day be conscious that every action has its consequences and even a little thing as a spermatozoid causes serious consequences...we are all the living proof of that aren't we? so don't be like your dad and use a condom 'cause fucking can literally fuck your whole life!

think about this while you jerk off, you jerk

sábado, 8 de março de 2014

Happy women's day

First of all, I just want to say that I always thought that having an International Women day was stupid, and never accepted other people's congratulations on this day...like...thanks for being born a woman? thanks to the two X chromosomes? Why women need a day? There's no men's day!
Ok...now more serious! I never really felt ok about being congratulated for this day 'cause it's like...ok you're a woman, women need a day.To be honest with you all it always seemed to me that guys were trying to make me feel weak (but maybe it's because I am very suspicious about men who knows!).
But there is a story behind this day: in the 8th March of 1857 women workers of a tissue factory in New Yor k city made a huge strike. They occupied the factory and started demanding for better work conditions like the reduction from 16hours of work (!!!) to 10 hours of work per day!, same wages as men (women gained about 1/3 of men's wages for the same work!) and demanded being respected and treated with dignity in the work place.
The manifestattion was repressed so violently that those women were locked in the factory which was set on fire (on purpose). About 130 women died carbonized in a tremenduous act perpetuated by guess who? Men! (for a change right!?)
Women are wonderful beings, no doubt about it, after all they are the ones with the ability to create life by giving birth, if it was not for the women the world would be over and we could not be here because we had no mums, and grandmums who also wouldn't have mums and so on and so forth until the very beginning of humanity and it's not just the painful process and giving birth they bore...if it wasn't for all their love they wouldn't take care of us and we are born defenseless creatures that if not well treated just die a little while after being born...so there would be no generations of humans, keep that in mind, you exist because of thousands and thousands of women that gave birth throughout the history and took care of their childs...some even might have died during the child-birth.
Amongst the humans I won't be wrong by saying that they, the women, have a bigger ability to love than men.
You see every person (including men who mistreat women) should keep in mind that once lived inside one, we owe them our lives, our bodies, our simple existence, they should be respected for the major role they have in societies throughout history, they are way above men's ability to anything don't doubt about that, so they should have the same rights and men who abuse and/or beat them should be severely punished.
That's why I get so outraged and mad about all those disgusting guys mistreating women, that's why I got so mad everytime a woman is a victim of rape, domestic violence, sexual harrassmet or victim of the prostitution ring! That's why I get so mad when I know baby girls are killed when they're born because some societies prefer boys!
That's why I get so mad when good-looking guys just because they mum made them beautiful think they can mock the girls who they don't find so goo-looking and destroy their self esteem!
What I really want to say is, forget about your dad and your male's ancestory, I mean yeh they had a role too in the life process, but guys don't think with the right head, most likely they just wanted to get laid and never really cared about taking care of the child or the woman after that! In fact, if you go back in History, there were committed lots of rapes during the lootings...most likely we are descendents from an awful event like that took place (hopefully!) hundreds of years ago! But still, that women had those babies and took care of them until they grow up!
All I really want to say to all those misogynists guys that mistreat, objectify and disrespect women is that if it was not for the women they would never have lived (maybe it was better if they don't!)and yes, you were inside one when you were just an innocent and harmless being...so keep that in mind, without women and their love you would be nothing!
So here's my special thanks to all the feminist women that fought for women's rights in the past (and for those who still fighting), thanks to all those women the women from today could escape their miserable life of boredom, humiliation and submission to men , thanks to them, women from today can control their lives and their bodies and have financial and emotional independence!
 All those women were very brave and suffered for fighting against a sexist and  misogynistic society demanding the right to work and vote, the right to control their bodies and their lives. For centuries all this freedom for women was unthinkable! But there is a long way to go specially in countries where religion rules (why religion hates women?!) where women are treated as objects that belong to men, countries where little girls get married to grown up men, countries where women still can't study, work, vote or even have freedom of speech!
So to all the lucky girls of nowadays please don't let it all go to waste objectifying yourselves merely as sexual objects, your silly duckfaces and frivolous conversations and aims in life! Don't get in a super controlled and jealous relationship, don't let a man own you or control you and take away your self esteem, don't let a guy disrespect or mistreat you!
You can do better, you're all so much better than that!
Girls you run the world!

quinta-feira, 27 de fevereiro de 2014

Consume until you're consumed


segunda-feira, 6 de janeiro de 2014

people and fish!

This is a fish called a Pacu and they are found in South American waters. Instead of having razor sharp teeth like their Piranha cousins, the Pacu have square human-like teeth.

We evoluted from monkeys, who evoluted from fish! Gross!

I've been brooding all day about this issue....now everytime I see people I imagine them as fish, you know...all people even the beautiful ones like models....and just because a naughty smelly ugly fish who dared to get out of water and gained legs due the environment stirred up with its genes through natural selection...and 4 billion years later, tcharammm here we are.... that naughty fish started all this...I wish that damn fucking fish stayed quite deep in the water!

Kate Moss, Angelina Jolie, Beyoncé, Britney Spears....cute as fish! LOL

And you know when woman but silicon on the mouth! If it's exagerated they soooo look like fish?

Well, maybe is to give better kisses...and that so look like fish!

And you people still don't believe in mermaids?

strange atheist

ATHEISM: the belief there was once absolutely nothing. 
And nothing happened to the nothing until the nothing magically exploded (for no reason), creating everything and everywhere.
Then a bunch of the exploded everything magically rearranged itself (for no reason
whatsoever), into self-replicating bits which then turned into dinossaurs....and after millions of natural selection it created us and every specie around, that exists and existed in the past......

That sucks!!!! what a lame explanation for the biggest mystery of life: what caused the Big Bang and why everything works so perfectly and in harmony? I'm a strange atheist...you see, I can't believe there is a God, I think there's nothing out there to believe, if He does exist, He doesn't seem to be around or care about anything at all, nevertheless there seems to be a clever pattern of harmony and inteligence in the universe. You know what, deep down I really wish there was a God, and He was kind....life would make a bit more sense than all this harsh reality of, nothing existed and it exploded because of nothing creating an immense universe (maybe infinite)and the Earth had for millions of years dinossaurs walking around and killing and eating each other and then a random asteroid comes by, crushes the Earth and wipe out them, and then a fish gets out of the water and starts walking, and then natural selection stirs up the genes creating different species including monkeys and after 6 million years of monkey evolution and reproduction, ultimately here we are for nothing, floating in a blue space ship for no reason whatsoever.

What abot our bodies? What about our physical existence? We were once simply two gametes that merged their genetically information and started constroying a human baby...nobody told that cells and gametas what to do, in fact, we have no control over them, the built of a baby inside a mother's womb is a complex process that happens and we have no awareness of what it's really happening or controlling the process...the pregnant womean doesn't say: "ok, now divide and specialize this cells to build a heart, then a stomach, then eyes, then a brain..." It just happens...that molecules and atoms and chemicals know what they're doing just because they're following a mysterious force...let's call it the force of life.

Of course I am not saying that I support the idea that there was a God  who created a woman and man out of nothing and we are all descendents of them (an inbreeding process!)...and God just got mad that Eve ate an apple of the knowledge tree which a talking snake told her to eat so God got mad at us and abandoned us...but He must return someday..if He's not too busy well, doing whatever He is doing....I am not saying we were created by a divinity but it's so strange how our atoms combined into molecules and then to form cells and then organs and then an universe of cells called body that works perfectly without our conscience knowing what is doing to keep us alive for no apparent reason sounds a bit like magic too...life is magic

But believing doesn't make it true and I not even can believe. For thousands of years humans believed in Gods...but if you ask people now if they believe in greek's gods, pagan's gods, celtic's gods, roman god's, nordic's gods,  they will laugh at you because (almost) every religion, or at least the most popular ones are monotheists...but here's the thing, why should there be a reason to think that the only God you believe is any less imaginary than the thousands of other Gods we already discount as mythical? Sometimes I wish humans simply could switch off all this existential crisis you know...we're the only specie ever wondering and brooding about this issues that we will never ever see solved or answered but we keep doing this to our minds over and over again! Other animals are atheists, we're the only specie having troubles with this...maybe because we think it's scary being the only living thing on Earth (or even universe (???)) capable of thinking and have deep emotions and feelings, and as we can't bare loneliness we just made up an imaginary friend who is said to be watching all over us.

domingo, 5 de janeiro de 2014

oh no!

Before I see this in 9Gag I had no idea how messed up ad empty my life could be. Even Hitler, that sadistic monster gave love a chance!
Nevertheless all I have to say is that it's extremelly hard for me to find someone acceptable (both looks and personality). Of course I had my chances but I declined every single one of them, and the strangest part is that I felt good declined every single one of them, there was just no click...and well the person's who I had the click they don't know about it.
This really made me sick.

Cause and effect

Here's a really eye-opening video about how our consume is destructive for the environment, animals and even other people. From putting oil in a car, to eating a burguer, to buy an iphone, it all causes severe damages in environment, animals and people. I think the part of meat industry is excessively sad and heartbreaking, I think people should see how animals live and are killed for their tasty burguers, if they see and still feel appetite to eat...I don't know if I can say they have any heart. By all means, I sleep in peace with my conscience because I don't eat meat for 12 years.
Watch it!