sábado, 14 de fevereiro de 2015

Love sick

I am having one of the worsts feelings ever, I am afraid I committed the capital crime of falling in love again, for someone that once again, ignores me at the same time that invades my thoughts and change my feelings into a level of sickness and sadness few people could throughout my life. I never really fall trully in love, because I never was loved back by the same person, I never trusted a person that much and deceived myself to a point I could believe something could be real, reciprocal and last, I won't say forever of course, but for a period of time. This is just like a little sample of what it must feel to be in love, either ways, it kills me because I get anxious, depressed and insomniac, I also cry rivers of tears and those butterflies in my stomach make me want to throw up, I feel tired just to wake up and feel not like getting away from my slumber because I know when I wake up I will think about you, but even when I sleep you creep into my thoughts, you are the first thing I think when I wake up and last when I go to sleep, you become a central part of my mind's landscape and your face is haunting me every night, I feel no good when I think about you, but you seem to be an addictive pill but instead of making me better you keep making me ill.

I took my part, you played your game...and gave love a bad name.
Your game is discretly letting me know it's over by ignoring me, until I do it to you and you keep ignoring and I finally getting it, you are so smart!!!
I should have known better when you came around that would make me cry, but that's ok because what goes around comes back around, in time you'll see.
I hate this feeling, I think most of it has to do with the rejection from someone you cared and spend some good moments with and that at some point just got enough of you, was bothered with your presence and wanted new persons like a collector of people trying to fullfill the boredom of its own existence.

Rejection hurts but what is even worst is that the person you once liked to be with will become a stranger again, you have to put all those memories in the section of past in your brain and let it be quiet and tidy, since you can't forget....how stupid this will of wanting to forget moments you liked, right? Either ways we all have been there....
It also hurts too much when someone makes you feel special and then suddenly leaves you hangign and you have to pretend you are strong and don't care at alll.
I used to make fun of people that let themselves drown in sorrow because of love, but now I kind of get it....I thought love would make my life sweeter but it just made my life even more bitter.
So as the daily converstations died, and I stopped seeing your face I understood your message because getting no message is also a message....I know as days go by the pain will pass, tears will dry on their own, and I will forget your face and voice and you will just be a vague memory imprinted in my brain.
Hearts are made to be broken...by love and hellos only end in goodyes.

"I wasting my time trying to fall in love, disappointment came to me and booted me and bruised and hurt me, I was wasting my life praying for love, for the love that never comes from someone who does not exist but that's ok because that's how people grow up"

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