segunda-feira, 20 de abril de 2015

Everyday I love you less and less and that is a bless

I have shut off myself in my shelf on loneliness all my life afraid of loving people, in all aspects of love, from romantic love to friendship to family love. I tried to be distant and cold all my life, I always knew when you love something or someone you become weak, it is unbearable painful to know you will never be strong with someone that is your weak point, detachment is the root of all suffering so also love. Every once in a while I open up my heart and feel good for a little while, but then that persons disappoint you or leave you and the sorrow that comes after is for me way too much.
For me the worst part of it is  having good memories with someone that made you feel special and then leaves you with no goodbye or explanation. Then you are told to "let it go", "best thing you never had", "forget it" and you go on step by step breaking your face in an endless sequence of mistakes that  bitter your heart and make you souless.
I even feel disheartned to meet people, trying to captivate them and letting being captivated by them if all that you will ever live will once be a good moment in the present and a bitter memory in your mind that your inner voices and friends say to "forget, forget", if all the cure and point of life is moving on and forget the past seriously I see no point in living because all the good thing I lived are now good moments that will never come back and that is what hurts the most, everyone tells you to forget, your inner voices tell you to forget, everyone else seems to have forgotten but all I think is that ok I will forget this and live new things to make new memories that will hurt me again in the future and I should forget again....if it is all about forgetfulness why even bother to live new things? Past leaves you depressed, future anxious and all you have is this present missing all good from the past and anxious to the good things of the future that will become past too. I see no point in this.
I feel ridiculous....I guess I gave it all to someone that cannot love me back...again.

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