domingo, 1 de novembro de 2015

Farewell grandpa

So altough I want to make this blog anonymous, I also want everybody to know who this amazing guy in the picture was, may he never been forgotten. 

I think in the picture you can say how kind, gentle, unique and good he is true, he was that and much much more. His name was Manuel and he was one of my grandfathers, the last one alive.
His story started in 9-10-1926 and ended in 30-10-2015, he lived 89 years and 20 full days, he had a full joyfull life spreading lots of love and caring and getting it in return, he died yesterday in the same hospital me and my sister were born, and where my father was cured from a cancer and my mum from an heart problem, even tough he was old the doctors and nurses took great care of him and he lasted 26 days struggling for his life from a pneumonia in the hospital, his death was painless and during sleep, he did not feel a thing because he was given morphine, today was his funeral, this letter will be directed to him as if he was alive or as he could hear me (maybe he can, who knows?).

Grandpa you ceased to exist 2 days ago, and you will never come back to this world, but I wanted you to know that will keep being alive in my mind and memories until me too leave this world for good.

I regret not having visited you on your last week of life in the hospital, I remember with bitterness the fact you died in the day I was going to visit you, I just wanted to see your eyes again, hearing your voice again, kissing your  forehead and cheek again, hugging you again, one last time and never let that moment go. 
You were in pain and slowly dettaching from life and we know you had to go, sometimes is better to let go and to hold on, and at least now you don't feel any more pain.
Altough we were all prepared for your departure and considering you had a full and happy life and I consider it was more than fair, it hurts, and it hurts like hell thinking now you're just a memory.
You had a disease that has taken you away from us many years before, you had alzheimer, and so you kept mixing the past with the present and mixing who you were with who you are, you were there with us but not there at the same time, sometimes you imagined you were a kid again, and I admit it did hurt the day you stop knowing me. But I still know you and I want to keep you in a special place in my heart and walk with you wherever I will go, wherever I will be.

You had a difficult childhood, you went alone from your little village to Lisbon alone when you were 14 years old to help your widower father to raise your 5 brothers and sisters, you slept on the street and sometimes even ate food remains you picked from the floor, you spent your life working and suffering but one day you met the love of your life and she was beautiful, and she also met you, she also loved you back, she was your one true love, your life companion and friend during more than 60 years, she took care of you until the very end she fulfilled her promise to you, she took care of you even when you stop knowing her, she loved you for better and for worse, for richer and for poorer, in sickness and in health, she loved and cherished you until death took you apart. How many people are lucky enough to find a love like that? How many people will have the enormous luck to be loved back like that? How many people will be this lucky to find the love of their lives and be in love for so may years? You were a lucky one grandpa. Also you had two amazing sons that never ever stopped helping you and always fullfilled with their moral obligations as sons, helping you walking when you stopped walking, feeding you when you stop feeding yourself, for you were their support when they were young and they repaid what you did to them, because in the beggining you also taught them to walk and to eat and protected them.
You worked your whole life so your kids could live well and take college degrees when you barely could read. You were a hero. 
I was so lucky for having you as my grandpa and for this so many years, thank you for teaching me how to ride a bike, thank you for telling me your stories, thank you for your love, atention and care.
Today was your funeral and there were lots of people, some of them you not even knew, you really touched a lot of people's hearts, and many people cried for saying goodbye to you. 
I just want to tell you that in my mind, you'll never be dead.Thanks for having existed and being present in my life, I love you grandpa, and love, it never dies.

P.S: don't worry we will look after grandma.

So long, with much love and appreciation from your grand daughter.

Rest in Peace

Don't try to wake me in the morning
'Cause I will be gone
Don't feel bad for me
I want you to know
Deep in the cell of my heart
I will feel so glad to go