sábado, 31 de dezembro de 2016

To 2016

2016 was a very good year for me in general, nothing really bad happened to me, and I made several dreams come true, like going to London, Oxford and Cambridge and learn italian and see the portuguese national team win the Euro Championship, had a real good time overall, awesome meals, fantastic movies and books, still have my closed family with me, and I do love them despite it is difficult to be with them sometimes, I got a new job and saved money for new travels that will happen in 2017, I made some new friends and lost some old ones, some people disappointed me but I am glad to know who they really are and letting them go, other people neglected my friendship and lost me, and when you lose me, you lose me for good. Anyways I feel like I am an even stronger person than I was before because I still don't mind what other people say or think, I have my own thing, speak my mind and follow my plans. I know 2017 I will still be improving myself and my life in general, and I hope I still be caring less and less and less about stupid people who I consider now totally unworthy of meeting me. For everyone that still deserves my respect and friendship, I'll see you in 2017. Happy New Year!

Best movie of 2016

The Hero of Hacksaw Ridge was absolutely one of the best movies I ever seen, and best part is that it was inspired in a real story of a very very good person called Desmond Doss. I am a real anti-war, anti-army convicted and I do believe the lord wars take advantage on the good will of the youth to make them go to war, hating people they never met and never knew just because of political propaganda and nationalism. If you do some research you will get that Pear Harbour was an inside job, the US troops pretended to be attacked by the japanese to have a pretext to go to war with them, and the japaneses were only trying to fight in their own invaded country...so sad to see 70 years later sheeple continue to buy this shit, even after the invasion of Iraq in 2003, based on lies and only political propaganda covered by the main stream media and now they are falling for the Isis hoax again. No war is worth it or needed to fight for, and if you see the movie you will have a glimpse of what war is like. And the fact someone so good spirited like Desdmond Doss existed is without doubt very very inspiring.

The best moment of 2016

Whatever haters may say, I definitely think the fact Portugal (my country) won the Euro Championship for the first time ever was the best time of the year, and one of the best days of my life, including the day after when I went to welcome our team back. We are so used to others winning everything and then watch their party while dealing with defeat that we are not used to win, so when we actually won I did not believe it, and still now it is weird to know we did, I still barelly can believe it.
And rememebr WE will be champions of Europe until 2020 at least. :)

segunda-feira, 26 de dezembro de 2016

Last Christmas

I met you in the christmas eve, two years ago, and I remember telling you that you were the best christmas present ever, I remember you saying how lucky you were to meet me, and how it now sounds like pitty lies, I remember seeing the dawn of the day with you in an empty christmas market, but most of all I remember how strange it was to find what I was longing for and imagining in m mind without even being looking for, because I never thought you were real or even if our paths crossed, but I dreamed about you 25 years before I met you, and I know it was you, because I felt it with every sense of my being, I felt something I never did for nothing or anyone, and all it took was to look at you, they say love is around the corner, and indeed on a corner I met you waiting, gazing out in space when I shooked you from the coma to ask you about a place called "lost in translation" just to talk to you... and so last christmas I saw you one last time and for the last time, I know it meant peanuts to you, but you were the worst best present I ever had...once bitten and twice shy I keep my distance but you still catch my eye, tell me, babe, do you recognize me?Well,it's been a year,it doesn't surprise me.I remember that note saying, "I love you," I really meant it, now I know what a fool I've been, this year to save me from tears I wish you die in my mind and my heart once and for all. So every christmas from the day I saw you until I live I will always have this mix feeling of love and hate for Christmas, because it was an incredible blessing to meet you but a very painful curse to lose you. But last christmas was really the last christmas, and my mind still plays the last 2 christmas in my head over and over and over again, and I love you and I hate you for that.

They say I need to move on and forget, but I'm afraid I'll love you forever, even if we're never going to be together, because I was in love with you even before I met you for real.

And so last christmas was the last.

domingo, 25 de dezembro de 2016

Merry Saturnalia

Well, well, well, Saturnalia, the real root of Christmas that is nothing but a pagan tradition when back then the god saturn was worshipped and they did so by doing human sacrifices,having orgies, and getting drunk and eating tons of food. This has nothing to do with Christ, and Christmas is not even mentioned in the bible
 Still have fun being deceived. Peace!

quinta-feira, 22 de dezembro de 2016

tell me about the lies you saw on Tell Lie Vision

Well well well I knew this attack on "fake news" would certainly bring new hoaxes and false flags....and nothing but a dosis of fear mongering by the fear porn of main stream media....when you wake up from the matrix you really start wondering if everything tv tells you is truth....anyways seems to me the lack of realism and graphic pictures and videos  of the last days supposed terrorist attacks that all this is just some hoaxes with media coverage to make you think what the agenda wants to make you believe....by planting fake terrorists attacks they are on their way to make the public support a direct invasion of Syria (because indirectly our governments sold weapons and trained Isis by the way) and of course they want us to blame Russia and Islam (to start a war you need a common enemy)....so the elite creates the problem, which causes a reaction (our anger) and they have the solution (more war)...wake up sleepy heads! It is the masonic moto "order out of chaos".
Of course I am talking about the last supposed terror attack in Germany...you see, 2016 was just another year of staged hoaxes false flags psyops...we had the most blatant hoax ever of the Orlando Pulse fake shooting and the Nice attacks also with a bus, the Frankfurt shooting, many other more and now the "killing" of russian ambassador and now this shit! Seriously I had any evidence ZERO of this being true,zero blood, zero victim names, zero dead bodies, zero CCTV footage, this time they did not even bothered to hire crisis actors like with the Pulse shooting or use fake blood and dummies like in the low resolution photos of Nice.And why the hell does the terrorists always carry their passports and IDs around? sometimes it is so convenient that it seems like...they were planted there! 
 Seriously what the world we live in that Game of Thrones and horror movies are more graphic and appear to be more realistic than this fake news covered by this fake media corporations (aka mainstream media)? no wonder they want to ban alternative media from the internet...people don't buy this shit anymore. Ridiculous! You tell me you believe this and other stories because you saw on TV or read in a newspaper? get a fucking clue!

If you don't believe that nowadays still lots of things we see on TV are simply hoaxes, staged events with media coverages or even false flags, see this video:´

Kind of reminds this song and this video:

quinta-feira, 15 de dezembro de 2016

the real terrorists

Let me explain you: the real terrorists are USA, and NATO in general, so you don't have to fear muslims or someone from the Middle East, you have to fear USA and NATO forces, your own government that conspires against you and your disgusting fake media that is simply a propaganda outlet for the agenda of the big government. I'm not conservative or liberal or nothing, I am just pointing out a fact. Look yourself in mirror and face what your taxes are used for, your income is legally stolen from you every month for this murders...but because it is an foreign country you are too dumb even to point in the map of the world, it is not murder, it is colateral damage. USA is the country that perpetuated the most hideous crimes against humanity since WWII, followed by other NATO forces, countries from European Union (UK, France, Germany...) and of course Israel...they definitely should go to court and be judged for crimes against humanity. And by the way when you say you support your god damn troops it makes me sick! Wars are not needed, they are engineered by politicians who constructed a common enemie with the help of media propaganda and sometimes a false flag attack or two to give you the impression you must fight back your supposed enemie...being supportive of troops means you support wars and murder and I got absolutely no fucking respect for you and your fucking stupid soldiers.

sábado, 10 de dezembro de 2016

why is the pope attacking "fake" news?

So here we go again, one of the main puppet/masters of the elite, the Pope, is very concerned about the so called "fake" media is exposing the pedophile elite, which means, his pedo friends that he protects while seem to care about children...so he calls this independent investigation as a sin! Great! (read: http://thehill.com/blogs/blog-briefing-room/news/309179-pope-francis-its-a-sin-to-spread-fake-news-focus-on-scandals).
Now remember when the media lied to us about 9/11 (some even believe the "official" story nowadays...sad)...or let's say when main stream media told us lies to sell us wars like the one in Iraq that supposdely, had weapons of mass destruction...well then, they were never found, thousands of people were killed, a country destroyed...nothing happened to the liar media that is nothing but a propaganda outlet of governments. Now that less and less people believe in main stream media they want to attack independent and alternative media and only stuff the main stream media says must be called truth?
It is evident, the pedo elite don't want us to expose them so they want to end fake (aka alternative) news so they can still mind control us and program us to accept the reality they want us to believe in.
But one thing I know, when the pope assumes pedophilia at the highest levels don't exist, move along, nothing to see here after years and years of the catholic church defending priests against the henious crimes of abuse of children ..... THEN YOU GOD DAMN KNOW IT'S REAL!
Watch what people do, or let happen...this guy is not a saint, far from it, he is part of the problem.

segunda-feira, 28 de novembro de 2016

Kanye West exposed the Illuminati

Regarding to the last weird performance of the musician Kanye West where he ranted about the most different things, but speacilly about media manipulation and fake news being then hospitalized in a psychiatric hospital because he "went crazy" (see by yourself: http://worldtruth.tv/kanye-west-kidnapped-placed-in-mental-hospital-exposing-illuminati/):this is not new, keeps happening when the celebrities' mind control program breaks down and they have to be hosptalized in psychiatric hospitals and given drugs to reprogram them, also known as rehab, when they have a mind control malfunction glitch like for example what happened to Britney Spears, then media will try to make them look crazy and descredit them when they were trying to communicate something to us: that they are prisioners of Hollywood owners that chose what they are and what they must say or not, you can call this owners Illuminati or whatever you want, but in fact, artistic freedom in mainstream areas is stricted, and you only sell if you are a sell-out. When Prince and Michael Jackson started talking weird things and trying to break free from their record agencies, they died from prescription drugs...it is a coincidence? guess not! This people aren't crazy they are trying to break free.

domingo, 27 de novembro de 2016

why the pedo elite want google, twitter and facebook to censor "fake" news?

Media is trying to debunk the PizzaGate peadophilic scandal just saying it is fake, because it is fake, and they are the ones who decide what is fake or real without investigating the serious proof and weird instagram pictures and comments alternative media found! 
I insist, you must read the e-mails of John Podesta on wikileaks talking in pedo code saying "when can I do a pizza?", and other sick things.
Rad this pedo fucktard e-mails on wikileaks speaking in pedo codes and then tell me if you think this is a normal conversation and if the FBI should investigate Hillary Clinton and other sick people related to them! READ! Instead of just mocking "conspiracy theories" READ! This is extremelly serious people!
Here: https://wikileaks.org/podesta-emails/?q=comet&mfrom=&mto=&title=&notitle=&date_from=&date_to=&nofrom=&noto=&count=50&sort=6#searchresult
What does this Podesta creep guy mean by "still in torture chamber...last night was fun!?" https://wikileaks.org/podesta-emails/emailid/56492
Also, why the hell would this guy would be in a pool with 3 kids aged 11,9 and 7to have further entertainment? Read: https://wikileaks.org/podesta-emails/emailid/54545 Does this seems normal and innocent to you at all???
Who the hell plays dominos on cheese and pasta? https://wikileaks.org/podesta-emails/emailid/30613
Here, leaked info from the instagram of the owner of this pizza shop:http://vigilantcitizen.com/vigilantreport/pizzagate-4chan-uncovered-sick-world-washingtons-occult-elite/
 I also found this very interesting and well done videos:
It is also sick this elite pedos have put pedo codes all along in our movies and tv shows for kids, like this weird episode with the Olsen sisters:
Pizzagate will be a never ending investigation, we will not be silenced even if facebook and google block independent activists and researchers and hackers, we can make this information go viral even with your censor and media trying to debunk paedophilia rings controlled by the elite, instead of actually block and ban peaedophiles from the webb and Isis tweets. The elite is the only one with power to buy mainstream media into protect their image, don't go to courts using corrupt lawyers and judges that make a way out the corrupt laws and stop the police investigation. You need guts to know about this sick perversions, but don't turn your back away from it just because you realize how the world is sick, because we need your atention and outrage and disgust and force to stop this sick elite from molesting, torturing, raping and killing kids. We, the people have to do this, not the corrupt politicians, journalists, judges or the police because they obbey the system, WE HAVE, we will!If you care about children and hate this sick people spread this investigation, make it go viral, and do all you can to help any kid. This is one of my new purposes in life, help this kids and stop this sick pedo pervs, hope you are with me....remember there are more of us than more of them, and they are scared to death of our awakenning. A good pedo is a dead pedo!This monsters have no right to live, even less being in power of nations, courts, etc, etc and try to control us, the elite does not deserve any obedience or respect! We are not afraid!

sábado, 26 de novembro de 2016


seriously?? I just can´t believe...my mind gets me twisted all the time...just after knowing about the pizzagate scandal and that ping pong restaurant that serves pizzas and has ping pongs and a huge white cave what happens? I am invited to an integration night at a mormon church (I have mormon friends, I don't want to be one, just went there to talk to them and hang out) , which consisted in a party, in the cave of the church, really big and with white walls, with ping pong tables, and the elder mormons served us pizza...I am just super overwhelmed by this kind of stuff that happens in my life, I literally keep attracting stuff I think...at least this party was normal, I don´t know, I left earlier whatever! WEIRD!!!

sexta-feira, 25 de novembro de 2016

save the children!

Ok people, I am super disgusted and can't sleep at night, and  I really need to tell someone about this.
You don't hear it in mainstream media, but wikileaks hacked e-mails from Hillary Clinton and her staff disclosed a pedophilic ring, in which her chairman John Podesta is very important.
So apparently pizza is a name code pedophiles use to call little girls, and this John Podesta guy talked in pedophilic code lots of times with other supposed pedophiles.
So I read some e-mails of this disgusting guy going to a spirit cooking at a private home done by the satanic artistis Marina Abramovic or something like this and also something about pizza and I was clueless, but now this is starting to make sense.
I have heard from a lot of "conspiracy" theories researches and real witnesses, most people in power are sick pedophilic satanists, but never researched too much about that.
So if this information in this videos and all this sites is true 100% ,there is a a restaurant called Comet Ping Pong in Washington DC, USA,  where they serve pizzas, it is also a bar and they give parties, in which all ages are welcomed (weird...). Some owners and visitors of this creepy place have accounts on twitter and instagram where this pictures were leaked, and if they are real, it is really really disturbing all this obcession with kids and babies, the fact they have coffins in basements and holes on the ground, and a crazy room in a cave some comments on that picture say "so much fun", "kill room"...and then this nasty ugly video with a creepy performer making pedophilic "jokes" I am afraid this even might be something that happened! The fact that Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama and some other elite people go in this pizza restaurant...after all, what can be so important about a pizza place?
I am really disturbed and confused, you can watch the videoshttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z4OP--ZXOjc on youtube, made by incredible ordinary researchers that are trying to wake people up to this nasty and ugly world, controlled and ruled by psycopaths. I'm not going to post the videos here because it is awful, and I don't want my blogue to have this kind of content, but neverthless I had to make a way to reach my audience and tell them about this super strange thing, so I saw this documentaries: 
#PizzaGate: what we know so far:
A site saying this is a true story:http://stateofthenation2012.com/?p=55555
New York Times saying it is a fake new,:http://www.nytimes.com/2016/11/21/technology/fact-check-this-pizzeria-is-not-a-child-trafficking-site.html?_r=0
Well let me tell you something, I really wish this story was fake, but I need more than a newspaper saying "yeh it is fake", without explaining this facts and why this people speak in weird pedo codes and put weird pictures on their instagarms and pedo friendly logos on their pizzas restaurants...do this main stream morons didn't get this right already????WE NEED MORE THAN YOU SAYING TO US SOME INDEPENDENT RESEARCH SPREAD ON THE INTERNET IS FAKE JUST BECAUSE...OH YOU SAID IT IS FAKE! Without even investigate this instagram weird people and their weird photos, specially with kids???Without talking about the pedo codes on the e-mails leaked by wikileaks??? We know this stuff now! No turning back, mainstream media is going down, we don't trust you anymore and even if you push to censor us or shut us down putting Mark Zuckerberg and other techonology kings to censor what you call fake news? Who decides what is true or false? YOU!? I guess not! Facts speak louder than your words nobody listens to anymore, you mainstream are bought and corrupt and protect the elite, but you can't no longer program us or distort reality, we are aware and we will fix this, because we will no longer stay silent and consume your false reality! We have minds of our own and endless people fighting for truth inside and outside the internet, we will defeat you sooner or later, there are more of us than you, and we are no longer afraid!
And there is many many more, interesting research material, but I got sick enough from it and I really wish I could eliminate this "people", because in my views pedophiles have no right to live!
Listen, you will not hear this from the main stream media, so research for yourself, read the wikileaks leaked e-mails, no one in power ever said it was false, because they were hacked, all you get from this in power people is silence....you go ahead and say I must be positive and stop researching things like this, and pretend the world is beautiful and all people are good, because that makes you feel happy...being an ignorant of the reality! I can't be happy knowing in this world kids ard being victimized and taken to pedophile rings for sick adults' entertainment that torture, rape them and even murder them, and you get mad at me and other truthers because we are telling you the truth!??This is the kind of people that rule nations and banks, this is our sick elite, if NSA used surveillance to spot and arrest pedophiles they would do a good thing, but they can't, because people in power are pedophiles and they are protected! This people are sick, we must expose them and make justice even if it has to be by our hands, acknowledge truth, expose, act. We are more and more each days, we know what the elite does and we will not tolerate to be ruled by sick pervs like them anymore, no matter how much mainstream media protects you, and you try to label truthers investigations as fake news and shut us down...we are waking up, you will not control us anymore, we have the power! NWO is going down!
Everybody should know about this stuff...pedophilia is real and exists specially in the elite members, they are sometimes even knighted by the Queen of England (like that creep the Savile!), they are then protected by their own corrupt laws, courts, and media, so we apparently can't do anything to stop it...unless we act by our own forces. Pedophilles do not deserve to live, seriously I would kill some if I had the chance and believe I would do the world a huge huge favour!
We must save this kids!

domingo, 20 de novembro de 2016

(Un)happy birthday

Not sure if life is passing me by or trying to run me over but one thing is for sure, I am one year closer to death. But they say it is bettter to have one foot closer to death than both of them. So I want to thank of everyone that came to my life and made it feel less miserable and got drunk with me, because misery always loves company, and it drives me insane getting this fucking old,and seeing more and more younger people than me everywhere year after year, after year. I hate it! I bloody hate it!Anyways haappy birthday to me, I am surprised how I even lived this long.If you really think the way it is, all of us are basically serving life sentences. A depressive meme for a depressive day and a depressive life. 

segunda-feira, 24 de outubro de 2016

Lessons learnt in life

Learn:when people have doubts whether spending time with you or not, bullshiting you about not knowing how they really feel, like they are so emotionally stupid and not even can understand themselves (and expect you to do?), when they make excuses to see you instead of making efforts, when they always expect you to start conversations first and keep the conversation dull and monosylabic, when they don't clearly reject you and not completely accept you because their feelings and thoughts are confused and they need to find themselves, so they say, it means they are not into you, giving you sort o false hopes is their game in order to keep you in the reserve and take you out of the shelve when they are bored or need you...this behaviour means you are not their priority but solely one of their options 2,3,4,5, wtv to lift their ego up. When you feel right with someone there is not such things as confusion, and pride games, because your heart is certain. Don't fall for players and assholes, they'll drain all your energy and make you waste your most beautiful emotions until you become numb not able to feel anything as great as it again because you literally wasted your most powerful energy in vain.

sábado, 22 de outubro de 2016

Envy and self destruction

I admit it, I am an envious person, and sometimes I even feel good about other's misery so I can feel a little better with my own misery...but envy is such a self destruction feeling...everytime I feel envy I feel like I am consumed by it, and in fact it makes me feel even worse about me...it's one of the most nasty feelings ever.
I try to fight this a lot of times, but usually it overcomes me...I don't know I think I should try to be better and accomplish more things so that other person's success doesn't make me feel bad, or medidate or help others, like doing volunteer.
This is a long and old battle in my thoughts and feelings, two things that I find very hard to control...but whenever someone lives my dreams I just try to think, that's not my life, not my journey, not my experiences, and what other people did, felt or lived can be different for me, because we are different and I will have my own experiences when my time will come. What is meant to be in my life will be meant to be, if it will never comes, it wasn't meant to and if it comes and leaves I will have to accept this turn of events. I will have my own experiences and live my life, so I try to let go of comparing with other people and believe myself and work to get my goals.
Envy trully is, one of the worst feelings ever, and I really want to let it go away from my life, so I can be in peace with my life.

segunda-feira, 10 de outubro de 2016

Good grief

Since you went away without even saying goodbye, almost an year ago, long time no see, no talk, no nothing, I must tell you, if by any means you actually could and would read and/or know this, I've manage to live as if I have never met you, but I can't, you still the first person I think about when I wake up, and the last when I fall asleep, the one I day dream all day, it's like you became my favourite worst nightmare, awake or asleep, anywhere I go or anywhere I am, with whoever I am with, I can't help feeling I wish you were there, and you were one of this persons, I remember all the places we have been and it makes me feel depressed when I pass by them, I also think about all those places you have been, reminiscing in a past that keeps going backwards, like looking for the presence of your ghost lingering around. I have this feelings but you never mind that, because you never cared and never wanted to, and now even if you wanted to, you won't because it is not even possible. So all this things I live and feelings I have keep adding up, and up, and up, and it will lead nowhere, because you gave me no other choice than to mourn you while we both are still alive, still I know, you are alive, somewhere out there in the world, and honestly this thought make me feel confortable because your existence made the world a less awful place, you still my favourite thing in the Universe.
So many times I think, what would you be doing now, how are you, even wonder if I ever cross your mind. But I know this questions will remain unanswered, still I can't consume my mind and energy as much as I do with thoughts of you, imagining all the possible lives we could have lived or will live somehow in the future, because after almost 2 years I can't escape the ghost of you, I can't let you go.
All my friends think I am healed, when I say I don't feel anything for you and it's like you never existed in my life, that you, as they warned me about, were not worth caring or chasing or to drown myself in so much pain thinking about all the ifs and if nots.
So I tried to move on with life and give somebody else a chance to see in me, what you never did, some seemed interested but I kept them away, I knew that was not what I was looking for...and now I think I found someone who actually enjoyes spending time with me, go out with me, has initiative to talk to me and is trying to be the person you never were...and you know what I feel about this? I feel sad and depressed for being with that person, because when I open my eyes I don't see you, because it's not you. Sometimes I even feel disgusted with myself, but truth is after you I never felt anything for anyone, I am emotionally numb and trying to find you in other persons...but I know I will never find you, because you are nowhere else any near to be found, and once you feel the fire you don't care about little sparks. So I come home, daydream about you again, and sleep with the clothes you left behind (it makes me feel you presence somehow lingers here) and cry myself to sleep, because I still can't escape the ghost of you, because I can't get rid of this thoughts, and this feelings, and this memories.
I dreamt about you 25 years before I met you, and you were even better than in my dreams, they say love is just around the corner and it was just as impredictable as that that I found you, it is a clichet to say but it was love at first sight and I felt we have met before since ever, like you were meant to be there at that time and place, like a cosmic conspiracie alignment. And if meeting you was my best blessing ever, loving you was, is, and afraid will be my endless curse.
I am sure you were the YOU I have always longing to meet in the past, the one I was afraid and also excited to meet, the one I wanted to avoid and couldn't,the one I wished for, the one I was trying to find,  but I can't explain to you or anyone what it feels like, and even if I could you wouldn't understand, because you never felt the same way, you can never read my emotions and know the depths of my sorrow, and what I hate even more is that you are not even responsible to any of this, you can never blame someone for don't love you back, but it is sad indeed loving someone like that being was magic, and be treated as ordinary. Loving you is, was and will be an impossible quest to come true, but I never felt and meant anything more genuine for anything or anyone, this has a bit of lunacy and self destruction in it and maybe that's why I keep holding on to it, like I inflict this pain on myself because I hate me, and hate me even more for you not to to love me, or for me not being able to get rid of this prison of emotions that is trapping my soul.
I hate that I love you.

"Now all my thoughts and all my feelings are all mixed
Always missing people that I shouldn't be missing
Sometimes you gotta burn some bridges just to create some distance
I know that I control my thoughts and I should stop reminiscing

When love and trust are gone
I guess this is moving on"

You're like a good grief, and still, I can't escape the ghost of you.

Feelings that everyone’s livin,’
To a different kinda wall.
I feel nano sense skipping,
Tangled up in my own thoughts.
Why must these ‘specials’, have feelings,
Why must I live in inside.
I wrestle with my raging ailing,
Lately, I have lost my fire.

All I ever wanted is you...

quarta-feira, 14 de setembro de 2016


Adults: boring families, their life savings, mortgages to banks, their fucking kids and grandkids, their confort marriages and predictable weddings, their birth control prescriptions, their abortions, their x rated videos, their daily health drugs, their cancers, their stupid repeatitive jobs, their taxes, their retirement plans, their stupid money that somehow entitles them dignity....everyone is living the same stupid life as everyone because they not even have imagination for more. Adults always pretend to be responsible and emotionally stable when they simply are brooken and dead inside. No you fucking don't know better, your life was, is and will end up being a sad joke

Wake me up when september ends

15 years ago the US government did one of the most outrageous attacks against their own people under the pretext of starting an endless war on terror and expand their power and control worldwide under their empirialistic war machine with support of main stream media propaganda and brainless sheep like you that buy any shit. 9 11 was an inside job wether you want to admit it or not and wether or not the archives and investigation is classified,inconclusive and closed. According to physics the math just don't add up:jet fuel can't burn steal and two planes can't knock down 3 buildings,a building built fire proof can't fall down in seconds with the aceleration of gravity. And offended you are,a fuck I don't give. Grow up!


domingo, 17 de julho de 2016


First they ignore you, then they laught at you and hate you, then they fight you and then you win. I know it was a week ago still Portugal won the Euro 2016, but why should I shut up with this ? Bare in mind mon chérs we will be euro champions for the next 4 years!!! So get used to. Few teams will have the oportunity to win something this huge and even less countries as well, I guess, some of them will never win anything, others won the Euro 20 years ago and others (like the so called great England) never won an Euro. It was a lot of fun during june and july watching the games with other thousands of portuguese people and my friends and honestly I cannot even believe we won. I know it is just football but still it mixes with a lot of emotions and I am incredibly grateful of having the experience of seeing the portuguese team win the Euro in my lifetime, I also wished it to be true, but never believed it was possible. But for me all this was much more than footbal games, it taught me and showed me a very important thing, because I never really believed my team passed even the first eliminatory when we didn't win (neither lose) or impress, and then game after game I always had the feeling this would be probably the last game, I felt and thought all of this until Eder(the guy that spent more time in the bench and nobody believed in and laughed about and was even criticized by the critics for being selected to play in the national portuguese team for the Euro=  scored at the final game close to the very end, because I am not confident and am always expecting to lose or be disappointed in the end so I start preparing myself for the worse so I don't feel even worse when things go in a way against what I wanted or wished for), but they showed me that even if everyone is against you and tries to make you feel bad (like the media that criticized Portugal and said we shoudn't win, calling us disgusting, or be in Euro, or as a country be in Europe or even fans from other countries that feel disgusted and jealous that we won, and all that envy and discredit and the players that kickedCristiano Ronaldo out so it would be easier for them to run us over, and the french players who refused the silver medals, because they are too good for that, and the french fans that made a petition to repeat the Euro because they don't accept they lost and so on and so forth, just for not to mention the silence of my envious foreigner "friends"), when everyone disbelieves you but it is something you wish dearly from the bottom of your heart, you get the courage and will to pursue your dreams and make it come true, don't matter who tells you that it is impossible, you dream too big, or you can't do it...foccus on your plans, work hard, believe yourself, make it come true. Had also enough of foreigner people always depicting us as the losers, the small country guys, we proved otherwise and I hope from now on the portuguese people feel the same about themselves and Portugal, in any fields, we have our own value, we can do anything and there is not such a thing as dreaming too big for who gave new worlds to world. This was also a lesson for my life: believe yourself, work for your dreams, ignore the haters and people who want to see you lose and defeated...everything is possible when you believe. From now on I do believe in ALL of my dreams. So thank you so much for this...we are the champions, my friends. And next time someone asks me where I am from, I will be even more proud of saying: I am from Portugal!

quinta-feira, 12 de maio de 2016

You have no idea who I am

you think I am nothing, because I am nothing like you, you may know my name but you don't know my game, you judge me but you don't know my story, you have no idea what I've been through, and I don't need to explain you anything because I have nothing to prove to you or anyone in this world, the only person who I have to please and own satisfactions is me, myself and I and my conscience. I don't need anyone's approval or love to feel more of a person, I know my value and I don't need to show it to persons who are unworthy of knowing me. I am usually a nice person, if I am not one to you, you probably did me something wrong, ask yourself what before guessing I am just mean. I am a mirror, I reflect to you what you make me feel towards you, I am not the same person to everyone. I believe other's opinions do nothing but trying to format my personality into someone they expect me to be, and attempt t fill me with insecurities, I will change my mind all times I want, I own you any satisfaction for changing, I hear other person's talking to me or about me and I just think they want to fill me with self doubt and self hatred I've been there before and I'm not going back there, I learnt how to be strong and pick myself up everytime, so just don't forget one thing: I know my worth, I don't need you to value me at all or prove you shit. I am what I am, I care less about what you think that I am.

quarta-feira, 4 de maio de 2016


So you will forgive me (or not, I really don't care at all), but I read this new about a father that "married" his terminally ill daughter of two years with cancer so she could at least pretend she married and he could fullfill his dream of taking his daughter down the aisle by faking a wedding, where the girl pretended to be the bride dressed like one.
I am really sorry the girl died from cancer, but also sorry that treatments like chemotherapy are subjected to people, specially kids, because it will destroy their fragile immunitary system and most likely they will die and suffer a lot for nothing. My opinion is that chemotherapy is a hoax and cancer industry is a scam, and probably if a kid avoids this "treatments" she will live more years or even stay healthy. 
After reading several news of this kind, like other one where the daughter "marrries" her father dying of cancer so the dad actually can pretend he fullfilled his responsability of taking her to live with other man, I am honestly disgusted with the way this patriarchal society works. They keep pushing woman into the idea of they MUST marry some guy (of course only approved by dads in most case...a guy like their dad maybe?curious...). There are more wonderful things to do with your life, like travelling the world, making friends, go hiking, surfing, reading, learning things  and this shouldn't be a goal you have to do. And when you are a kid, like 2 years old, certainly are much better things you will miss in life than your future hypothetical wedding.
So even if you think I am a cold hearted bitch or a feminazi I will write down my point of view of this. I know some (most of the people I guess) would say this act is touching and beautiful...well I guess it is ridiculous for 2 reasons: so first it's her father, and even if it is just a symbolic wedding it ranges the gruesome (it's sort of pedophilic and incest being cute because it is not for real, the dad is just a personification of the man, the man she should and would marry...what is a woman without a man right? after being educated by your bossy father that certainly would make your boyfriend'(s)' life a living hell, by a "sacred oath" (only you are supposed to follow, to man is easier accepted things like cheating and go to whorehouses and have several bitches but always returning home to their wives, wife is the most important woman, the others are just for fun, they say, excusing themselves, and love can forgive this things), by this oath you owe a man authority over yourself, so another guy can rule your life again. Secondly: because according to this father his dream was to take his daughter down the aisle...it doesn't matter if you are just two, society is already sure you must and will get married (to a guy if you are a girl, of course, that's the "normal" right?), it doesn't matter how young you are, specially as a woman you are expected to do so, it's your big day, the happiest day of your life, you can't be happy being a single girl they say, and girls are suppose to believe it while having a life in a  marriage in which they basically are the husband's servant: housekeeper and cooker, and of course their private "whore", so they can actually have someone certain to screw up with throughout the years to cum. 
And don't forget the porcreation part, men must also leave descendents...otherwise people will start doubting of their virility, so I guess the wife has to stop swallowing some birth control pills for a while that can actually bring ovarian and uterus cancer and cause infertility (so if you get pregnant without your man wanting it's your fault, and if you can't after years of drugging your body with birth control pills to please the guy that now decided that wants offspring...well your fault as well)because man never use birth control of course, and a woman without kids is less of a woman, because a woman with an empty uterus is like a person with no soul. LOL. Think what you want about this, it's trully the idea I get from this PATRIARCHAL SOCIETY. Ridicuolous!

P.S: I know all man are not this bad (inclusively my dad) but this is the idea I got from our patriarchal society and man in general. I still honestly believe most man are scum sorry. Society has to prove me otherwise.
 And if a kid is dying and all you think is she will miss the most important day of her life (aka wedding) I think something is wrong with you,let kids be kids, and part of their innocence is not thinking about marriages and weddings and having their own kids, and also stop asking kids what they want to be (when they are grown ups, 'cause you know like they are no one right now)  like they are less humans just to be younger, let them live the BEST MOMENTS OF THEIR LIVES that is being a KID, not stressing about future, adults have destroyed dreams and are full of frustrations anyways what's good about being one? let kids be KIDS...adults are ridiculous.
Everytime people asked me what I wanted to be as an adult I always said "I don't want to grow up!",honestly at the begginning I thought my life would be like that forever: me as a kid, just playing and being happy, so when I knew I would have to grow up and be one adult I was very sad and mad...the adults always looked sad and leading stupid lives...I knew better, I knew better all along. And now I am an adult but I promised myself I would never be one of THEM. They could not sell me the idea that adulthood is cool, my best moments were as a kid, and I know it's all gone now, and everybody knows being an adult sucks the hell of your life.

sexta-feira, 25 de março de 2016

TV, fear and mind control

Fear is everywhere when you turn on the TV,that is the government propaganda to keep their sheeple under control...I had some moronic friends and family members shiting their pants out worrying about a terrorist attack from Isis in London, and regarding going to Paris oh well think twice! So my sheeple brainwashed parents started the day with the news of explosions in Belgium..."it could be you","really?didn't go to Belgium and it's not even in my plans","oh well it could have been in London?","I mean, was it in London?like some crazy dude can't make him explode in a metro in Lisbon, or I get hitted by a car or have a stroke???", anyways what I am worried about is if this is an attack ordered by our own governments to make sheeple support endless wars in the middle east....you don't think our governments do false flag attacks?of course NOT, they never lie to us, they respect the laws and people's will like ever don't they?anyways....it's funny how we only care about this kind of deals when it happens to "our people" in "our countries"(because hell yes the world belongs to all living things and not to your imaginary lines, got it?)....11 people or so got killed today but just wonder how many get killed everyday by our troops with their high tech bombs and planes and guns everyday in the Middle East....hundreds....thousands per month and year....does that makes us better humans than this terrorists?I think not, sorry to say. We pretend it's not our deal when actually big part of EU and USA economy is based on gun trade to sell to countries in war destabilized in first place by us....ask more questions for yourself....who trained and funded Isis?who sells high tech guns to Isis?who is buying cheap oil from Isis?Why nobody talks about the Al Qaeda (which by the way is the same scam as Isis)?why you don't even give a fuck there were no mass destruction weapons in Iraq and our government said that was the reason we should invade Iraq?Terrorism is subjective and honestly we stupid sheeple from the west are the worst ever even if you think you are innocent the fact you just blindly follow media and ignore what's happening in those countries you don't even know how to locate in the fucking map because you are a fucking dumb ignorant moron who cares about nothing makes the life of our NWO leaders much easier.....I don't care if you think I am crazy, or brutal, I am in fact well informed and just fed up of stupid people who use the TV as their brain and are afraid of death while living a stupid life. You can never avoid death under no circunstances, she will come and get you whether you are asleep, young, old, in the army or crossing the street or flying in a plane or get stabbed in the street by a killer or just have your own biology against you, all you can do is try to make this place a better one to live in while you are alive, to all people not just for you, so turn off the tv and live your life, travel, read and think for yourself.Done and said!


sábado, 13 de fevereiro de 2016

modern "education"

You have a fucking paper because you passed in all those tons of fucking tests and exams by memorizing and copying and cheeting, you also spent tons of time and money on it, congratulations, you must be so fucking smart. Now start the racing rat trying to find a job in order to gain virtual numbers on a screen (aka wage) to pay for your college fucking debts and your mortgage for the house you live in but leave vacant all day to go to work and to pay for your car that you use to...oh yes to go to work. After 50 years maybe you will be debt free who knows, and end up ok in an old age house forgetting your life, maybe it's better to forget it anyways because it was boring, dull and normal as fuck. And reproduce, please don't ever miss that, the planet needs more virus like us to overpopulate and overconsume and to keep the social security stable, please ensure during and after your stay the system keeps working as it always was, be obedient, be nice, don't develop critical thinking, adopt political correct ideas...and be happy, if you can of course (as if...).
Concluding I have no doubts that school is mental slavery and all this "educational" system is a hoax meant to make you subservient, and obedient to the system. It is not because you memorized tons of formulas and concepts and repeated exercises endlessly just to get it all mechanical in your machine head and regurgitate it all in a test that you are smarter than other persons. School is all about passing formated tests and exams and get your mind formated for another formated job where you must obbey without giving your opinion another form of authority just because that authotity rewards you with bits of numbers in a screen for your wasted time. This is the truth, everything is a hoax

another brick in the wall

I hate this feeling, I thought this year would finally be my last at school but I got no results in the exams...and honestly I really studied and filled up my mind with all that nonesense shit I have to know jut to regurgitate in a fucking exam. I will ask to see my exams again because I really felt I passed when I did it, hopefully teachers were wrong or maybe just son of bitches "correcting" their super formated tests...so if something is a bit different from their own solution maybe the batards just mark all wrong...I feel like if they could give me negative grades they would...and this feeling of all my work, brain cells, time and money used for nothing makes me feel worthless, like I am so fucking dumb I not even can think, like I am a fucking idiot that cannot finnaly end this fucking education program, wasting my life and money. If one thing college taught me was how to try to deal with frustrating, not even not for passing, but from sometimes understanding shit what they are talking about, I feel like all I ever studied was so meaningless I cannot even apply anything in real life, I feel like I can't do anything from that wasted years.
So I keep fighting and trying to be persistent to my biggest goal in life (isn't it depressive?): finish MY MENTAL PROGRAMMING (aka College), just to be free from all those fucking tests, all those fucking teachers, all those fucking colleagues, all that fucking stress, all that fucking failure and be free from it, not asking for more.

But today I saw this video and I must tell you, I agree, school teaches you shit, prepares you zero percent for your real life and NEVER EVER make you think by yourself, teachers just vomit a bunch of concepts and exercices, try to screw you up at exams but not even them know why the fuck what they teach is the way it is, you get ZERO critical ability to think by yourself, is like all the world is already known and studied and you just "learn" from that concepts, repeating the exercises for countless times until it all gets mechanical in your head, go to an exam and try to vomit all that in order just to forget it again and never use it. I am very disappointed with myself, my teachers, but also the educational system, why instead of  thinking I am actually learning something I just feel mentally opressed and stressed out? why do my teachers are this arrogant beasts I cannot even look in their eyes? why are my colleagues this fucking competitive we can't be friends because they make the environment awful?
Question to think, as for now, I am just really upset that I tried so hard for nothing, and have to get extra motivation to do it all over again and believe in myself again when all this tests did was to break me down and question my mental sanity and ability to think...it will be a long way but I am fucking end this shit, no matter how long it will take, because I never give up!

terça-feira, 9 de fevereiro de 2016

No one is gonna love like I did

I bet you, you're gonna meet someone in the long run, you're gonna fall in love with the wrong one, who you will love I don't deny it, but no one will love you like I did

domingo, 7 de fevereiro de 2016

Family Portrait

This subject has been bugging me lately: family! Why is it so important? Why people keep saying one day I will have one of my own when I say I don't want one since I believe I already have one family...so only if there is kids in it and if they get out of you , you have a family? I don't get it. They say that's a normal thing to do, but seems like it is not something you feel in your heart that you should do..."family is everything", "you wanna be alone all your life?"....let me confess you something, I live with my family for 2 and half decades...and an year, and I have a particularly tense relationship with my dad, we don't have a conversation like in 15 years without based in arguments and with him making me feel worthless...sometimes I think he does hates me and blames me for having this stupid normal suburbian life, he actually chosed in first place, I don't talk to my sister more than a polite uneventful "Good Afternoon", "hi" when she comes around sometimes because she studies in other place far from my home...we had a pretty rough and violent fight almost 4 years ago and I decided that if we couldn't get along, we should stop talking once and for all, so at first I was really mad at her, but now we just ignore each other and pretend we are strangers...actually no, we are strangers...with my mum at least I have a better relationship, I also loved my deceased grandfathers, although I just saw one of them once in an year, I like my two grandmothers still, but my cousins, aunts and uncles...well half of my family lives far and if we see each other once in a year that's enough, the other part who lives nearby we are really not that close. Also my mum has 4 sisters and a brother and they live far from each other it's true but they haven't what you can call a relationship, they never had.
What I am just wondering is...people get a brand new family hoping to kill their lonneliness but sometimes what happens is that we actually can live decades together, sharing the same place everyday and still have no clue who are those persons, I really feel like we are strangers and honestly it hurts me living this way...it started all so great when we were kids you know but then when I get to be a teenager was a huge gap between me and my family, we started distancing ourselves so much that we came to this state we never can talk to each other without just arguing or provoking each other...I mean we used to be an happy family when I was a kid, but nowadays we spend all our days in separeted divisions of the house, and my father always stays in the couch looking angry and resentful to the television and goes away when I enter in the living room, for years he has been leaving the dinner and lunch in the middle of another failed attempt to have lunch or family dinner, actually sometimes I wait for him to finish the meal first than me so he doesn't blame me for not finishing his lunch or dinner and call me unbearable or that he can't stand my voice or my silence...whatever he wants to implicate with. One of the worst things he did to me was when I was really depressed (I was 16) and sad and confessed to my mum I wanted to die and/or maybe commit suicide and she just told my dad and instead of trying to understand what made me feel this way he came to me and slapped me violently in my face saying "who the hell did you wrong?", that ruined all the remaining hope and trust I had in him, I understood I could never tell anyone, specially parents how sad and depressed I felt because they would not understand and maybe hit me, also when I turned vegetarian he did not approve my life choice and always said that kind of nourishment could give me a blood cancer (leukemia) so maybe he was worried about my health and wanted to changed my mind but I was so mad at him and trusted almost nothing in his person that all I understood was "he hates me so bad he wants me to die", it did not help the fact he added "and when you will be sick I will not visit you in the hospital!"....he kept saying this things on mode repeat day by day, I really thought he hated me...so when he got a cancer in his intestines 6 years ago I did not visit him in the hospital...I just came once or twice because other members of my family really made me go and one of this days was his birthday, when he tried to talk to me and I was already gone, just said "yes,no,yes,no,yes", I wanted him to feel what he made me feel when he said those horrible things to me, I wanted him to know "you are the one who is sick and now it is me that is not going to see you in the hospital!"...because he made feel deeply in my heart that he hated me and wanted me to be sick and die....fortunatelly he healed himself even with chemeotherapy (something that my 19 year old cousin was not lucky enough to escape from...he died 2 year ago)...but I gave him no moral support, he must have felt alone and that I hated him too, when I really didn't. I think parents have to be more cautious with the way you speak to your kids, all this kinds of shit talk literally can lead to misunderstandings of feelings and drive families appart. I don't want to blame my family for my trust issues or depressions I had and sometimes have but I know it has something related to them in it. I guess my father wanted me to be better and more competitive in school by trying to motivate me by saying "that was not good enough!", "is that all you can do?", sometimes he was ridiculous enough to go to my school checking my colleagues notes writting them down and saying that others were better than me, they had bertter grades than me...even if my grades were good, there was always someone better, so I always felt worthless no matter how hard I tried he was never happy for me...also he said I could never get in my degree and once I got in he always put me doubts in my head if I ever could finish it, just drop it or if I ever can actually do something with my degree...or life. The saddest part is if I try to give him my version of the story he denies it...did he really forget about it or just pretends he never made mistakes when "educating" me?, he never admits he is wrong, so I just keep treating him the same way he does and he says to my mum he thinks I hate him...well I don't, but if you seed indiference and make me feel worthless my indiference is all you reap, and you just reap what you sow.  I really think the way you speak to your kids becomes their inner voices...in all those self-doubt thoughts I have I know there is something of my dad in it...actually sometimes is like he is yelling in my head...
What I really wanted to say is that it doesn't matter if you get married for 10,20,30,40,50,60 years and have kids to avoid feeling alone, sometimes your own family makes you feel deeply alone and sad. They are actually the persons I care the most in my life, maybe because of our history...but if so, why can't we get along? I still don't know why...all I know is altough people talk about family being the most important thing in life, it is the family that usually hurts you the most and causes you a pain no one else can cause. So I just concluded like always life usually sucks, most friends are pointless, family is a lie that hurts and the only thing true and that I count with in this world is myself.
Usually all family portraits we see depict happy families...it is far from that perfect, sometimes it is nothing but fake. Nowadays we never take family portraits but in my old family portraits, I remember living those moments, and I remember one day we were happy...I wish we could back to that.

Confessions from another broken home.