Lessons learnt in life

I will not make the same mistakes that I did, I will not let myself cause my heart so much misery, I will not break the same way I did, I've learnt the hardest way to never let it get that far, because of you I learnt to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt, because of you I try my hard just to forget everything, because of you I don't know how to love anybody else, and now I cry in the middle of the night for the same damn thing.

I hate people because they make me hate myself

not good enough

And my best was not enough for you. I wish one day I can unlove you. 

other people's heartache

Sometimes I wish I could become a heartbreaker that feeds its soul on other's heartache and shattered dreams, without minding, at all

whatever....

I wanted you to notice when I am not around, I wish I was special, you are so very special...I wish you could know how much I love you and look at me the same way I look at you, but you don't get to choose anything in matters of the heart, fate didn't want this way, I guess I imagined you all along.
if only I wasn't such a creep, if only you could see my worth, if only I was special like you, if only I was you!

Ilusions never changed into something real

This feeling that burns my soul inside and seems to never fade and never goes away, always tormenting me, always wishing for what and for who I can never get. It is something clearly impossible that just happened in my mind and only my heart felt, so why it won't go away? It's just too disturbing and painful for me, let my feelings flow out of control and put my imagination running into a life I will never get with you, Sometimes I wish I was an heartbreaker too, the kind that denies other's wishes knowing I had the power to make those people happy and feeds on their shatttered dreams, I wish I was fireproof, I wish no one could break my heart, I really wish I was indiferent to all this crazy emotions hard to deal with.

just think happy thoughts

whenever I go to graveyards it makes me think why are people so obcessed with having nice and in shape pieces of their meat, some even diet all life so other's can see their bones....I mean all bodies are meant to rotten and be forgoten, don't they know we're meat for the flies?
In case you did not notice, we are oblivious in our pathetic and unguided existence (even if you are religious you feel the void and nonesense of living, we all do), and no matter how good you live you can die any moment and it doesn't matter how many good experiences you pass through in life one day it will be memories that you forget as you grow old due to the entropic decay of all biological systems and even if you die with memories still printed in your brain....who cares it all disappears too because it was just info in your mind, memories are not real. So basically this is life, enjoy it while you still can and produce a lot of serotinine substance in your brain to make it all worth it (aka be happy)

Another uninnocent, elegant fall into the unmagnificent lives of adults

So I just saw this videos on you tube and I think they are very cool and actually can teach you about the fraud of the banking system, which also means the fraud of our life, because it is almost all about money making.
So you are an adult now, so you have to be one, not that you have other choice, have you? as an adult you have to bring value to our society and that means: money, you have to have a way to get an occupation which can provide you each month with a series of numbers on the screen which you call wage and manage to pay for your stuff and taxes for the government to do wtf they want including giving bankers A LOT of bonuses as a way of thanking them for their parasitic "jobs" creating money out of thin air, because money is an illusion, economy is a scam and nothing is real, banks rely on your trust, trust that your life savings are safe when in fact those little numbers you saved from hours of your work are being used to multiply money into credit and to bets in the stocket market, money is fluid and it's everywhere, your money just won't stay still safe in a place altough it will always appear those same numbers in the screen...so basically you as an adult are being told now you will learn how life is hard to make (capture: make a living=making money....to live), or not, if you are one of the magicians in the banking system, you put all your trust and effort in life following those pretty numbers when in fact your account has no material money....and we care too much about this shit when in fact this system is a lie of endless debt and endless wars that hopefully one day will collapse because it is a FRAUD. If you can't join this monopoly game you know what happens right? if your time has no value in the form of money you will be banned from this capitalistic society and turn to be an hobbo or something, because altough we share the same planet and we all should be entitled to have the same opportunities and share of what is ours, there comes the bankers, the owners of the world that with their wicked black magic determine who can survive, who dies from hunger, who gets rich and who lives an average life. Nothing new I guess we all knew that before...isn't it wonderful to be a fucking adult and do adult stuff like blindly accept the fraud of the world we live in? 

"you get mistaken for strangers by your own friends, when you pass them at night under the silvery, silvery Citibank lights"

BLUE

I'm so in love with you, I'll be forever blue

love will tear us apart again

When routine bites hard and ambitions are low and resentment rides high but emotions won't grow, and we're changing our ways, taking different roads..Then love, love will tear us apart again.

chins up, smiles on

It's really scary what a smile can hide...
I usually pretend I am happy so people don't know how broken and sad I actually am or maybe I just want to forget the way I feel, but there are so many countless times when I smiled and laughed feeling really depressed...people who deal with me have tendency to think I am this bright and smiling person, it's not true at all, I guess I just keep doing this because people in a way demand me to be like this or maybe I just want to avoid questions or make them feel ok when I pretend I am ok, I don't know, but let me tell you, nothing can be more deceiving than a smile

make a wish...

With every smile we lose a line and watch the stars fall back into the sky. But you know why?I don’t mind losing you this time,because I know I’ll meet you coming backwards, I’ll meet you coming back, when the universe has expanded, time will contract, and you’ll come back.I’ll meet you coming backwards next time..but we move forwards, into emptiness, into the void, into the universe, so there will be no next time, we’ll just part as happy strangers from a long friendship that grew from such a love

J. you were my wish

sorrow, you took away tomorrow

Sorrow found me when I was young
Sorrow waited, sorrow won

it's always the best moment of the day

I love sleeping, it's just like death, but without the commitment

My New Year Resolution

This is my new year's resolution, I will make ABSOLUTELY NO EFFORT to keep people in my life, it doesn't matter if it is a friend, an acquaintance, a colleague from work or university, an ex colleague from school, old crushes, new flames, even people I liked to meet, living nearby or far away or even members of my own family, I will do NOTHING to make you still remember me, if you don't talk to me or invite me to go out, don't expect me to do so because I won't, if you don't care or pretend you don't or are waiting for me to care first, forget it I won't. I don't care if we never talk again or see each other again, my goal is to dettach emotionally from all, because attachment is the root of all suffering. I know lots of people stayed for sure in 2015 I'll see who stills with me by the end of this year, if no one, I will keep improving myself and follow my own goals anyways.