WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS!!!

First they ignore you, then they laught at you and hate you, then they fight you and then you win. I know it was a week ago still Portugal won the Euro 2016, but why should I shut up with this ? Bare in mind mon chérs we will be euro champions for the next 4 years!!! So get used to. Few teams will have the oportunity to win something this huge and even less countries as well, I guess, some of them will never win anything, others won the Euro 20 years ago and others (like the so called great England) never won an Euro. It was a lot of fun during june and july watching the games with other thousands of portuguese people and my friends and honestly I cannot even believe we won. I know it is just football but still it mixes with a lot of emotions and I am incredibly grateful of having the experience of seeing the portuguese team win the Euro in my lifetime, I also wished it to be true, but never believed it was possible. But for me all this was much more than footbal games, it taught me and showed me a very important thing, because I never really believed my team passed even the first eliminatory when we didn't win (neither lose) or impress, and then game after game I always had the feeling this would be probably the last game, I felt and thought all of this until Eder(the guy that spent more time in the bench and nobody believed in and laughed about and was even criticized by the critics for being selected to play in the national portuguese team for the Euro=  scored at the final game close to the very end, because I am not confident and am always expecting to lose or be disappointed in the end so I start preparing myself for the worse so I don't feel even worse when things go in a way against what I wanted or wished for), but they showed me that even if everyone is against you and tries to make you feel bad (like the media that criticized Portugal and said we shoudn't win, calling us disgusting, or be in Euro, or as a country be in Europe or even fans from other countries that feel disgusted and jealous that we won, and all that envy and discredit and the players that kickedCristiano Ronaldo out so it would be easier for them to run us over, and the french players who refused the silver medals, because they are too good for that, and the french fans that made a petition to repeat the Euro because they don't accept they lost and so on and so forth, just for not to mention the silence of my envious foreigner "friends"), when everyone disbelieves you but it is something you wish dearly from the bottom of your heart, you get the courage and will to pursue your dreams and make it come true, don't matter who tells you that it is impossible, you dream too big, or you can't do it...foccus on your plans, work hard, believe yourself, make it come true. Had also enough of foreigner people always depicting us as the losers, the small country guys, we proved otherwise and I hope from now on the portuguese people feel the same about themselves and Portugal, in any fields, we have our own value, we can do anything and there is not such a thing as dreaming too big for who gave new worlds to world. This was also a lesson for my life: believe yourself, work for your dreams, ignore the haters and people who want to see you lose and defeated...everything is possible when you believe. From now on I do believe in ALL of my dreams. So thank you so much for this...we are the champions, my friends. And next time someone asks me where I am from, I will be even more proud of saying: I am from Portugal!

You have no idea who I am

you think I am nothing, because I am nothing like you, you may know my name but you don't know my game, you judge me but you don't know my story, you have no idea what I've been through, and I don't need to explain you anything because I have nothing to prove to you or anyone in this world, the only person who I have to please and own satisfactions is me, myself and I and my conscience. I don't need anyone's approval or love to feel more of a person, I know my value and I don't need to show it to persons who are unworthy of knowing me. I am usually a nice person, if I am not one to you, you probably did me something wrong, ask yourself what before guessing I am just mean. I am a mirror, I reflect to you what you make me feel towards you, I am not the same person to everyone. I believe other's opinions do nothing but trying to format my personality into someone they expect me to be, and attempt t fill me with insecurities, I will change my mind all times I want, I own you any satisfaction for changing, I hear other person's talking to me or about me and I just think they want to fill me with self doubt and self hatred I've been there before and I'm not going back there, I learnt how to be strong and pick myself up everytime, so just don't forget one thing: I know my worth, I don't need you to value me at all or prove you shit. I am what I am, I care less about what you think that I am.

PATRIARCHAL SOCIETY

So you will forgive me (or not, I really don't care at all), but I read this new about a father that "married" his terminally ill daughter of two years with cancer so she could at least pretend she married and he could fullfill his dream of taking his daughter down the aisle by faking a wedding, where the girl pretended to be the bride dressed like one.
I am really sorry the girl died from cancer, but also sorry that treatments like chemotherapy are subjected to people, specially kids, because it will destroy their fragile immunitary system and most likely they will die and suffer a lot for nothing. My opinion is that chemotherapy is a hoax and cancer industry is a scam, and probably if a kid avoids this "treatments" she will live more years or even stay healthy. 
After reading several news of this kind, like other one where the daughter "marrries" her father dying of cancer so the dad actually can pretend he fullfilled his responsability of taking her to live with other man, I am honestly disgusted with the way this patriarchal society works. They keep pushing woman into the idea of they MUST marry some guy (of course only approved by dads in most case...a guy like their dad maybe?curious...). There are more wonderful things to do with your life, like travelling the world, making friends, go hiking, surfing, reading, learning things  and this shouldn't be a goal you have to do. And when you are a kid, like 2 years old, certainly are much better things you will miss in life than your future hypothetical wedding.
So even if you think I am a cold hearted bitch or a feminazi I will write down my point of view of this. I know some (most of the people I guess) would say this act is touching and beautiful...well I guess it is ridiculous for 2 reasons: so first it's her father, and even if it is just a symbolic wedding it ranges the gruesome (it's sort of pedophilic and incest being cute because it is not for real, the dad is just a personification of the man, the man she should and would marry...what is a woman without a man right? after being educated by your bossy father that certainly would make your boyfriend'(s)' life a living hell, by a "sacred oath" (only you are supposed to follow, to man is easier accepted things like cheating and go to whorehouses and have several bitches but always returning home to their wives, wife is the most important woman, the others are just for fun, they say, excusing themselves, and love can forgive this things), by this oath you owe a man authority over yourself, so another guy can rule your life again. Secondly: because according to this father his dream was to take his daughter down the aisle...it doesn't matter if you are just two, society is already sure you must and will get married (to a guy if you are a girl, of course, that's the "normal" right?), it doesn't matter how young you are, specially as a woman you are expected to do so, it's your big day, the happiest day of your life, you can't be happy being a single girl they say, and girls are suppose to believe it while having a life in a  marriage in which they basically are the husband's servant: housekeeper and cooker, and of course their private "whore", so they can actually have someone certain to screw up with throughout the years to cum. 
And don't forget the porcreation part, men must also leave descendents...otherwise people will start doubting of their virility, so I guess the wife has to stop swallowing some birth control pills for a while that can actually bring ovarian and uterus cancer and cause infertility (so if you get pregnant without your man wanting it's your fault, and if you can't after years of drugging your body with birth control pills to please the guy that now decided that wants offspring...well your fault as well)because man never use birth control of course, and a woman without kids is less of a woman, because a woman with an empty uterus is like a person with no soul. LOL. Think what you want about this, it's trully the idea I get from this PATRIARCHAL SOCIETY. Ridicuolous!


P.S: I know all man are not this bad (inclusively my dad) but this is the idea I got from our patriarchal society and man in general. I still honestly believe most man are scum sorry. Society has to prove me otherwise.
 And if a kid is dying and all you think is she will miss the most important day of her life (aka wedding) I think something is wrong with you,let kids be kids, and part of their innocence is not thinking about marriages and weddings and having their own kids, and also stop asking kids what they want to be (when they are grown ups, 'cause you know like they are no one right now)  like they are less humans just to be younger, let them live the BEST MOMENTS OF THEIR LIVES that is being a KID, not stressing about future, adults have destroyed dreams and are full of frustrations anyways what's good about being one? let kids be KIDS...adults are ridiculous.
Everytime people asked me what I wanted to be as an adult I always said "I don't want to grow up!",honestly at the begginning I thought my life would be like that forever: me as a kid, just playing and being happy, so when I knew I would have to grow up and be one adult I was very sad and mad...the adults always looked sad and leading stupid lives...I knew better, I knew better all along. And now I am an adult but I promised myself I would never be one of THEM. They could not sell me the idea that adulthood is cool, my best moments were as a kid, and I know it's all gone now, and everybody knows being an adult sucks the hell of your life.

TV, fear and mind control

Fear is everywhere when you turn on the TV,that is the government propaganda to keep their sheeple under control...I had some moronic friends and family members shiting their pants out worrying about a terrorist attack from Isis in London, and regarding going to Paris oh well think twice! So my sheeple brainwashed parents started the day with the news of explosions in Belgium..."it could be you","really?didn't go to Belgium and it's not even in my plans","oh well it could have been in London?","I mean, was it in London?like some crazy dude can't make him explode in a metro in Lisbon, or I get hitted by a car or have a stroke???", anyways what I am worried about is if this is an attack ordered by our own governments to make sheeple support endless wars in the middle east....you don't think our governments do false flag attacks?of course NOT, they never lie to us, they respect the laws and people's will like ever don't they?anyways....it's funny how we only care about this kind of deals when it happens to "our people" in "our countries"(because hell yes the world belongs to all living things and not to your imaginary lines, got it?)....11 people or so got killed today but just wonder how many get killed everyday by our troops with their high tech bombs and planes and guns everyday in the Middle East....hundreds....thousands per month and year....does that makes us better humans than this terrorists?I think not, sorry to say. We pretend it's not our deal when actually big part of EU and USA economy is based on gun trade to sell to countries in war destabilized in first place by us....ask more questions for yourself....who trained and funded Isis?who sells high tech guns to Isis?who is buying cheap oil from Isis?Why nobody talks about the Al Qaeda (which by the way is the same scam as Isis)?why you don't even give a fuck there were no mass destruction weapons in Iraq and our government said that was the reason we should invade Iraq?Terrorism is subjective and honestly we stupid sheeple from the west are the worst ever even if you think you are innocent the fact you just blindly follow media and ignore what's happening in those countries you don't even know how to locate in the fucking map because you are a fucking dumb ignorant moron who cares about nothing makes the life of our NWO leaders much easier.....I don't care if you think I am crazy, or brutal, I am in fact well informed and just fed up of stupid people who use the TV as their brain and are afraid of death while living a stupid life. You can never avoid death under no circunstances, she will come and get you whether you are asleep, young, old, in the army or crossing the street or flying in a plane or get stabbed in the street by a killer or just have your own biology against you, all you can do is try to make this place a better one to live in while you are alive, to all people not just for you, so turn off the tv and live your life, travel, read and think for yourself.Done and said!

http://yournewswire.com/brussels-attack-looks-like-another-false-flag-heres-why/

modern "education"

You have a fucking paper because you passed in all those tons of fucking tests and exams by memorizing and copying and cheeting, you also spent tons of time and money on it, congratulations, you must be so fucking smart. Now start the racing rat trying to find a job in order to gain virtual numbers on a screen (aka wage) to pay for your college fucking debts and your mortgage for the house you live in but leave vacant all day to go to work and to pay for your car that you use to...oh yes to go to work. After 50 years maybe you will be debt free who knows, and end up ok in an old age house forgetting your life, maybe it's better to forget it anyways because it was boring, dull and normal as fuck. And reproduce, please don't ever miss that, the planet needs more virus like us to overpopulate and overconsume and to keep the social security stable, please ensure during and after your stay the system keeps working as it always was, be obedient, be nice, don't develop critical thinking, adopt political correct ideas...and be happy, if you can of course (as if...).

Concluding I have no doubts that school is mental slavery and all this "educational" system is a hoax meant to make you subservient, and obedient to the system. It is not because you memorized tons of formulas and concepts and repeated exercises endlessly just to get it all mechanical in your machine head and regurgitate it all in a test that you are smarter than other persons. School is all about passing formated tests and exams and get your mind formated for another formated job where you must obbey without giving your opinion another form of authority just because that authotity rewards you with bits of numbers in a screen for your wasted time. This is the truth, everything is a hoax

another brick in the wall

I hate this feeling, I thought this year would finally be my last at school but I got no results in the exams...and honestly I really studied and filled up my mind with all that nonesense shit I have to know jut to regurgitate in a fucking exam. I will ask to see my exams again because I really felt I passed when I did it, hopefully teachers were wrong or maybe just son of bitches "correcting" their super formated tests...so if something is a bit different from their own solution maybe the batards just mark all wrong...I feel like if they could give me negative grades they would...and this feeling of all my work, brain cells, time and money used for nothing makes me feel worthless, like I am so fucking dumb I not even can think, like I am a fucking idiot that cannot finnaly end this fucking education program, wasting my life and money. If one thing college taught me was how to try to deal with frustrating, not even not for passing, but from sometimes understanding shit what they are talking about, I feel like all I ever studied was so meaningless I cannot even apply anything in real life, I feel like I can't do anything from that wasted years.
So I keep fighting and trying to be persistent to my biggest goal in life (isn't it depressive?): finish MY MENTAL PROGRAMMING (aka College), just to be free from all those fucking tests, all those fucking teachers, all those fucking colleagues, all that fucking stress, all that fucking failure and be free from it, not asking for more.

But today I saw this video and I must tell you, I agree, school teaches you shit, prepares you zero percent for your real life and NEVER EVER make you think by yourself, teachers just vomit a bunch of concepts and exercices, try to screw you up at exams but not even them know why the fuck what they teach is the way it is, you get ZERO critical ability to think by yourself, is like all the world is already known and studied and you just "learn" from that concepts, repeating the exercises for countless times until it all gets mechanical in your head, go to an exam and try to vomit all that in order just to forget it again and never use it. I am very disappointed with myself, my teachers, but also the educational system, why instead of  thinking I am actually learning something I just feel mentally opressed and stressed out? why do my teachers are this arrogant beasts I cannot even look in their eyes? why are my colleagues this fucking competitive we can't be friends because they make the environment awful?
Question to think, as for now, I am just really upset that I tried so hard for nothing, and have to get extra motivation to do it all over again and believe in myself again when all this tests did was to break me down and question my mental sanity and ability to think...it will be a long way but I am fucking end this shit, no matter how long it will take, because I never give up!

No one is gonna love like I did

I bet you, you're gonna meet someone in the long run, you're gonna fall in love with the wrong one, who you will love I don't deny it, but no one will love you like I did

Family Portrait

This subject has been bugging me lately: family! Why is it so important? Why people keep saying one day I will have one of my own when I say I don't want one since I believe I already have one family...so only if there is kids in it and if they get out of you , you have a family? I don't get it. They say that's a normal thing to do, but seems like it is not something you feel in your heart that you should do..."family is everything", "you wanna be alone all your life?"....let me confess you something, I live with my family for 2 and half decades...and an year, and I have a particularly tense relationship with my dad, we don't have a conversation like in 15 years without based in arguments and with him making me feel worthless...sometimes I think he does hates me and blames me for having this stupid normal suburbian life, he actually chosed in first place, I don't talk to my sister more than a polite uneventful "Good Afternoon", "hi" when she comes around sometimes because she studies in other place far from my home...we had a pretty rough and violent fight almost 4 years ago and I decided that if we couldn't get along, we should stop talking once and for all, so at first I was really mad at her, but now we just ignore each other and pretend we are strangers...actually no, we are strangers...with my mum at least I have a better relationship, I also loved my deceased grandfathers, although I just saw one of them once in an year, I like my two grandmothers still, but my cousins, aunts and uncles...well half of my family lives far and if we see each other once in a year that's enough, the other part who lives nearby we are really not that close. Also my mum has 4 sisters and a brother and they live far from each other it's true but they haven't what you can call a relationship, they never had.
What I am just wondering is...people get a brand new family hoping to kill their lonneliness but sometimes what happens is that we actually can live decades together, sharing the same place everyday and still have no clue who are those persons, I really feel like we are strangers and honestly it hurts me living this way...it started all so great when we were kids you know but then when I get to be a teenager was a huge gap between me and my family, we started distancing ourselves so much that we came to this state we never can talk to each other without just arguing or provoking each other...I mean we used to be an happy family when I was a kid, but nowadays we spend all our days in separeted divisions of the house, and my father always stays in the couch looking angry and resentful to the television and goes away when I enter in the living room, for years he has been leaving the dinner and lunch in the middle of another failed attempt to have lunch or family dinner, actually sometimes I wait for him to finish the meal first than me so he doesn't blame me for not finishing his lunch or dinner and call me unbearable or that he can't stand my voice or my silence...whatever he wants to implicate with. One of the worst things he did to me was when I was really depressed (I was 16) and sad and confessed to my mum I wanted to die and/or maybe commit suicide and she just told my dad and instead of trying to understand what made me feel this way he came to me and slapped me violently in my face saying "who the hell did you wrong?", that ruined all the remaining hope and trust I had in him, I understood I could never tell anyone, specially parents how sad and depressed I felt because they would not understand and maybe hit me, also when I turned vegetarian he did not approve my life choice and always said that kind of nourishment could give me a blood cancer (leukemia) so maybe he was worried about my health and wanted to changed my mind but I was so mad at him and trusted almost nothing in his person that all I understood was "he hates me so bad he wants me to die", it did not help the fact he added "and when you will be sick I will not visit you in the hospital!"....he kept saying this things on mode repeat day by day, I really thought he hated me...so when he got a cancer in his intestines 6 years ago I did not visit him in the hospital...I just came once or twice because other members of my family really made me go and one of this days was his birthday, when he tried to talk to me and I was already gone, just said "yes,no,yes,no,yes", I wanted him to feel what he made me feel when he said those horrible things to me, I wanted him to know "you are the one who is sick and now it is me that is not going to see you in the hospital!"...because he made feel deeply in my heart that he hated me and wanted me to be sick and die....fortunatelly he healed himself even with chemeotherapy (something that my 19 year old cousin was not lucky enough to escape from...he died 2 year ago)...but I gave him no moral support, he must have felt alone and that I hated him too, when I really didn't. I think parents have to be more cautious with the way you speak to your kids, all this kinds of shit talk literally can lead to misunderstandings of feelings and drive families appart. I don't want to blame my family for my trust issues or depressions I had and sometimes have but I know it has something related to them in it. I guess my father wanted me to be better and more competitive in school by trying to motivate me by saying "that was not good enough!", "is that all you can do?", sometimes he was ridiculous enough to go to my school checking my colleagues notes writting them down and saying that others were better than me, they had bertter grades than me...even if my grades were good, there was always someone better, so I always felt worthless no matter how hard I tried he was never happy for me...also he said I could never get in my degree and once I got in he always put me doubts in my head if I ever could finish it, just drop it or if I ever can actually do something with my degree...or life. The saddest part is if I try to give him my version of the story he denies it...did he really forget about it or just pretends he never made mistakes when "educating" me?, he never admits he is wrong, so I just keep treating him the same way he does and he says to my mum he thinks I hate him...well I don't, but if you seed indiference and make me feel worthless my indiference is all you reap, and you just reap what you sow.  I really think the way you speak to your kids becomes their inner voices...in all those self-doubt thoughts I have I know there is something of my dad in it...actually sometimes is like he is yelling in my head...
What I really wanted to say is that it doesn't matter if you get married for 10,20,30,40,50,60 years and have kids to avoid feeling alone, sometimes your own family makes you feel deeply alone and sad. They are actually the persons I care the most in my life, maybe because of our history...but if so, why can't we get along? I still don't know why...all I know is altough people talk about family being the most important thing in life, it is the family that usually hurts you the most and causes you a pain no one else can cause. So I just concluded like always life usually sucks, most friends are pointless, family is a lie that hurts and the only thing true and that I count with in this world is myself.
Usually all family portraits we see depict happy families...it is far from that perfect, sometimes it is nothing but fake. Nowadays we never take family portraits but in my old family portraits, I remember living those moments, and I remember one day we were happy...I wish we could back to that.

Confessions from another broken home.

Lessons learnt in life

I will not make the same mistakes that I did, I will not let myself cause my heart so much misery, I will not break the same way I did, I've learnt the hardest way to never let it get that far, because of you I learnt to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt, because of you I try my hard just to forget everything, because of you I don't know how to love anybody else, and now I cry in the middle of the night for the same damn thing.

I hate people because they make me hate myself

not good enough

And my best was not enough for you. I wish one day I can unlove you. 

other people's heartache

Sometimes I wish I could become a heartbreaker that feeds its soul on other's heartache and shattered dreams, without minding, at all

whatever....

I wanted you to notice when I am not around, I wish I was special, you are so very special...I wish you could know how much I love you and look at me the same way I look at you, but you don't get to choose anything in matters of the heart, fate didn't want this way, I guess I imagined you all along.
if only I wasn't such a creep, if only you could see my worth, if only I was special like you, if only I was you!

Ilusions never changed into something real

This feeling that burns my soul inside and seems to never fade and never goes away, always tormenting me, always wishing for what and for who I can never get. It is something clearly impossible that just happened in my mind and only my heart felt, so why it won't go away? It's just too disturbing and painful for me, let my feelings flow out of control and put my imagination running into a life I will never get with you, Sometimes I wish I was an heartbreaker too, the kind that denies other's wishes knowing I had the power to make those people happy and feeds on their shatttered dreams, I wish I was fireproof, I wish no one could break my heart, I really wish I was indiferent to all this crazy emotions hard to deal with.

just think happy thoughts

whenever I go to graveyards it makes me think why are people so obcessed with having nice and in shape pieces of their meat, some even diet all life so other's can see their bones....I mean all bodies are meant to rotten and be forgoten, don't they know we're meat for the flies?
In case you did not notice, we are oblivious in our pathetic and unguided existence (even if you are religious you feel the void and nonesense of living, we all do), and no matter how good you live you can die any moment and it doesn't matter how many good experiences you pass through in life one day it will be memories that you forget as you grow old due to the entropic decay of all biological systems and even if you die with memories still printed in your brain....who cares it all disappears too because it was just info in your mind, memories are not real. So basically this is life, enjoy it while you still can and produce a lot of serotinine substance in your brain to make it all worth it (aka be happy)