segunda-feira, 13 de junho de 2011


I consider myself a very individualistic person not about being selfish that it's something I'm really not but in the fact that I am a bit of anti-social, I need my own time, my own space. Actually I do lots of stuff alone, one things is because I can't find anyone who likes to do that stuff and have time to do it (like go to the cinema see the mvies I like when I want to go), even go to concerts alone, walk alone in the city, have lunch alone, jogging alone...the most crazy stuff I've ever done alone was spend my birthday alone because in fact all I wanted in that day was to be alone and have a quiet and peacefull day (and I had it).
 Other thing is that what I want for my life, what I desire every single day, is the day I can be economical independent specially from my parents and have my own money and my own house (specially with no neighbors near so I would never move into an apartment...again), needless to say I will live alone in my house which I'd like it to be in some quiet place far from these sunny days here...somewhere cold, where the sky is grey and cloudy and with lots of rainy days, a place that can be a bit like myself, honestly these sunny days here don't bring me any joy and I tend to be depressed in the summers (other thing nobody can understand  beyond for example I don't like people if they eat meat specially when they invite me to have lunch or dinner with them...yes, meat is murder, so if you're a murder I won't have dinner with you!).
I'm very different from anyone I've ever met and I don't know anyone who can be like me even for a bit. I'm feeling more lonely these days than usual but it's something that I've been choosing to be because whenever someone comes by they don't stop making questions about myself, just as an interrogation, just like if I was something to be studied and this is the first reason why I haven't talk to new persons, I don't feel like talking about myself even because, if I do, I know they won't agree with me or call me weird because I think differently so the other option I have is to lie and try to make a good fake impression which is something I don't feel like doing because I don't do things to others like me or to be accepted.
I have the other persons who I know and usually talk to them, but to be honest I'm very tired of them all, every little conversation we have I feel that everyone is trying just to know stuffs about my life and say that what I think it's not normal, and they don't think like me and then they ask continuosly: why these, why those...or even there are that persons that when come around seem to like to put their pressure on you and criticize you in a cynical way with a stupid smile on their faces, there are others who seem to be worried with you but then you come to realize they just want to gossip around about your life. But in my case there are lots of people surrounding me with no interest at all, I really cannot have a conversation with them, everything that is slightly above their ignorance and foolishness they just can't handle: "oh I'm tired of that subject!why you just talk about boring stuff?", so let's talk about their empty subjects. Let me tell you all this: "I'm tired of all you and I want to be alone!"
Lately I can't find anyone who can be up to discuss ideas without attacking  myself or trying to convince me to adopt their point of view...and I can't find anyone to really talk to, can't find anyone interesting.
And when I make an effort to socialize and invite people to go out they are never up to go to the places I want to go and when I can go...
And when it's about to do a little walk in nice places, observing nature and what is left of beauty here why do have people to blow everything talking about their stupid problems and inventing problems for them and for the others? This is why I walk this empty street in a boulevard of broken dreams.
To be as honest as possible I'm certain I never met anyone interesting in this world (and I've met many) although I know they exist and existed, I admire lots of presonalities butI just can't find them in my real life. It seems like nobody has an opinion about nothing, nobody wants to make a good change in the world, nobody cares about nothing more than their little dull world... and that's the first reason why I rather be alone. I don't appreciate spending the time of my life with dull and boring people absorving my precious time and the little positive energy I have to go on believing in a better world is actually possible.
To you all that make me sick:LEAVE ME ALONE!

"My solitude doesn't depend on the presence or absence of other people; on the contrary, I hate who steals my solitude without offering me true company". Nietzche

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