sexta-feira, 30 de dezembro de 2011
My Happy New Year
So it's 30 December 2011 and I'm thinking of what I'm going to do to celebrate the New Year Bash...until now (and certainly until the end of 2011) I haven't received any invitation to a party or just to get out. I used to have a very full contact list in my cell phone but I decided to delete some useless contacts of the persons that never said anything to me...the tough part is that most part of those contacts were from persons who said they were my friends but especially this year simply forgot me ignoring me.
I wonder why I still have a cell phone, really 'cause nobody calls me and I don't call anybody, although I have free calls and free text messages from most part of them and vice versa.
So they just don't call me because they forgot me, they don't need me and so they don't like me.
I found out that the worst way, it was a simple test I did to make sure it was a real friendship: I just stop bothering them making notice of my existence: no text messages, no facebook likes or comments, no internet conversations...and this year I never asked anybody to go out...and I haven't got any invitations to go out too. I just can't find anybody to invite to go out to celebrate the New Year because I just don't feel like ask them out after their months of disregard: it's clear they will party and they all forgot me.
I knew persons who said they were my friends (and some of them who I used to hang out since I was a kid: we are neighbors and we were school mates since we were 5 years old!) that make New Year Parties since ever and always count me off the list.
It's okay, in a way, now I'm sure of who I can't definitelly count with, I'll just forget them and move on, there will be no chance of reconciliation for us because they're not interested on it and because I don't want waste anymore time with them too.
I just don't get it: why I took so much time to see they were worthless and why the hell they wanted me as their friend if they weren't my friends?
You know, true friends do things together and enjoy each other's company...don't disregard them! So they don't need me, funny fact is, I didn't miss them too...but sometimes, times like this, I want to get out and celebrate, to drink champagne under the firework and ask for wishes with friends laughing along...even the anti-socials need to socialize sometimes, especially when the entire world is having a blast out there!
I'm too a very suspicious person about the others, I don't let anyone getting close to me...so when people I thought they were my friends let me down at this point, it kinda hurts!
I don't wanna be at home getting depressed asking my own questions on and on of: "why does everybody have friends to hang out with and I don't?", "why are my social relationships so disastrous"?
I can stay at home having pitty of myself while my ex-friends do a great New year Party in the building right in front of my flat, but I feel like celebrating it out of my home, even if I have to do it all alone.
In fact this year I did a lot of stuff alone: I spent for the 2nd time my birthday alone 'cause I couldn't make new friends in 1 year, I went to a manifestation alone for the 1st time 'cause I don't know interesting people who want to change the world, I went to several concerts on my own, I went to the cinema alone...
I'd like to go to a disco club or a nightlife spot but I won't do that alone. Anyway my ex-friends were not the type of getting out at night, in fact they were not the kind of getting out at all, and those who were didn't invite me.
This year, despite of losing all my "friends", it pretty rocked for me, I saw a lot of concerts and my favourite artists of all types of music: my chemical romance (my favourite band), 30 seconds to mars, foo fighters, coldplay, anna calvi, patrick wolf, paramore, kaiser chiefs, white lies, iggy pop, katy perry, britney spears, within tempation, smashing pumpkins (just the best known). I rarely had friends near me at that times, and the ones I had now don't care about me.
So what can I say? I have a quite amusing life just ain't got nobody to spend time with.
So I just wish 2012 brings me good music and new friends because when you lose a fake friend you sure lose nothing at all so there's no need to be sad any longer!
Let's just rock out in 2012! :)