heartless?

Tonight I saw on TV a new about a kid who needed a five organ transplant! Well if one organ is very difficult imagine 5! Besides he is a kid which makes it more difficult hence he needed a kid donor which is very rare, his family was desperate and hopeless and thought their son was going to wait for too long but the answer arrived a few weeks later: a donor was found to that kid! The journalist said it was a happy story, everyone was happy and, till that point, I had nothing against but then the dad of the kid who needs the transplant said: "it was a very nice christmass present!". I was brutally shocked, because for that father has the joy of his son can live a kid had to die near christmass time and their parents (who decided to give the organs) had to be very unhappy, so if that kid didn't die his son wouldn't have the organs to do the transplant, so anyway it seems like he was in some weird way happy for the kid have died too.
My opinion about this thing of transplants is clear, I have no religion (in fact I don't believe in religion to me religion it's not a way to get closer to God it's just a fake trick and a lie),and this is just my opinion:  I can't take well the ideia of that the bad luck of  ones is the good luck of the others, the death of ones can be the live of the others. And to be trully honest when someone dies and then parts of their body are distributed for other peoples all around the world I think that people shoould be dead too if they're not it's unfair and makes no sense! And the other thing, carrying an organ of a corpse which stills alive in the body of the other person...those kind of things to me look just like something macabre. You know you can't win death you just can make live least a bit longer but those kind of things look a bit unfair to me, I'm not talking about giving blood to me that's fine even because I gave blood and I'm a marrw donor, but give life to someone else when for that you needed to die (not on porpose of course)...
I don't know I just think it's a bit repulsive someone can be happy receiving organs from a person who died because so they can be happy someone had to die and some people wait for too long for the day someone compatible dies to receive the organ...if it happened to me I think I would live all my life as guilty, and I wouldn't like to donate my organs or have it taken like they do in hospitals, in some countries if that body is from someone healthy (and young) they take it without permission...I think that's stupid and unfair. I don't know I was born in 1989 but what happens in the world it's not normal and acceptable to me. I'm sorry if I look heartless to almost everyone but deep down I know I am a person much better than almost everyone else because I just want life to be fair and to be honest be happy living a few years more with organs of someone who's dead is unfair and not natural. And other thing: the aspect of that the death of something cause the the live of the others to me is so disturbing that I am a long time vegetarian (wel I stopped eating meat when I  15, but when I was like12 I struggled to be vegetarian although my parents did not accepted and I couldn't be 100% vegetarian). Being a vegetarian to me means this clearly: I don't want take life from others so I can live and I refuse myself to eat animals because I have no right to take off their lifes so I can feed myself (fortunatelly there's other ways).
By the time you may think what a selfish person I am and that I would think differently if I needed to receive an organ or even if someone I love needed to. My answer is: I wouldn't accept somebody else organs if that persons are dead and I refuse myself to give my organs when I'll be dead. BUT I wouldn't mind to give a kidney to someone else if they needed too because I have two kidneys. 
Once a saw a documentary where they showed how people use our organs after death...well some parts of us are incorporated in pharmaceutical products! isn't this repulsive? it just disgusts me! I think human body is not a businness!
Does it make me a bad person couldn't be happy knowing I due the continuation of my life to somebody death? I know I wouldn't live in peace with myself! But that's me.
I wouldn't give my body too because I think mybad luck doesn't have to be the big luck of the others. If I must die why should other people continue living with a body they don't own, it's not their body you know...
what could possible that people do to deserve living a life they shouldn't live? Well I don't know!
You can't say I am a selfish and machiavellian person but I know myself and I don't feel like I am that, contrary to must people I know I help the others in many ways: I give money to the poors, I help people with problems or difficulties they have without demanding anything else but a thank you, I divide what I have with others, I can share my things, my money, my time, I even did things that damadaged myself to help other people, I even have courage to work on a smile when I have awfull days...you know what? when I see injustice I can't accept it, I don't pretend I didn't see that, I take action and make what I can to replace justice, I can put myself on somebody shoes and try to understand them, I am so sensitive that I cry whenever I see other people crying and I feel happy when other people are happy...but only when that doesn't involves the others' misfortune! For example I wouldn't be happy if someone to not be hungry had to kill an animal.
And all those people praying to God to give them the organs they need for them or for their beloved ones to survive. Do you really think God hears you? It's not God giving you anything it's death! It's not a second chance God gave you it's chance taken from somebody else! Do you think God cares about that? He walked over many many millions of years ago and if he's watching, if he hears you he would do nothing. If God wanted us to be immortal he wouldn't ivent death, you wouldn't need or want to reproduce.
And if they ask me if I wanted to at leat donate my organs to be studied in a medical class or in laboratories my answer still would be no. Why? human people demand more life conditions and they destroy their own planet, human people say that in name of science we can improve people's lives but all I see is thei thirst for profits, I don't see the majority of us really caring about our Home, I see humans destructing more than constructing, I don't really think I should help people living to destroy Earth.I think humans only do shit: they murder, they kill, they destroy! But make me belive you and so I'll change my mind, at least I want to still make part of solutions not the problem.
To me who's selfish is that persons that can live quiet and happy even knowing they carry a part of life that doesn't belong to them...
And all this just to say I don't think I am heartless, on the contrary, I think I am trully someone much better than everyone else can see and understand. My biggest issue is not to try others to love me just because I think and feel like anybody else.