Can't wait for youth to end

If for most part of people being a teenager or a young adult is a good moment of their lives to me is just something I wish to be over, and end it fast! I used to say I would never want to grow up but now I completely changed my mind.
I just want all this to be over: over emotional reactions, changes of humor, College and most important one: live with my parents and live of their money! I just want my financial independence so that I can free myself of this life, make this past, move on and get out here doubting seriously if I would return some day or even if I would look or talk to this persons I knew before.
I wish to be somewhere dark, cold with no sun and with people more like me that don't get upset with you if you don't fake a smile, I just want be in my fucking hell alone far from here.
Most people when grow up marry and have kids, let's skip to that part I won't have anyone, I would rather be a crack addicted to have some kind of feelings' addiction for someone.
I want to rest my mind in peace in somewhere as grey as I am (I'm thinking of North of course), raining a lot and super cold! For just a moment see myself somewhere.
I just want time to pass by faster: everyday is the same old boring routine with nothing new. I wouldn't mind time to pass 9 years as a click and be 30 if I get what I want: my financial and emotional indepence, a bit of conforting loneliness with no one to mess up with my head, a rainy day and a cup of coffee.
A part of me wants to live fast and feels like don't belong anywhere.My last breath? it may not be a faint whisper but a relief.