strange atheist

ATHEISM: the belief there was once absolutely nothing. 
And nothing happened to the nothing until the nothing magically exploded (for no reason), creating everything and everywhere.

Then a bunch of the exploded everything magically rearranged itself (for no reason

whatsoever), into self-replicating bits which then turned into dinossaurs....and after millions of natural selection it created us and every specie around, that exists and existed in the past......

That sucks!!!! what a lame explanation for the biggest mystery of life: what caused the Big Bang and why everything works so perfectly and in harmony? I'm a strange atheist...you see, I can't believe there is a God, I think there's nothing out there to believe, if He does exist, He doesn't seem to be around or care about anything at all, nevertheless there seems to be a clever pattern of harmony and inteligence in the universe. You know what, deep down I really wish there was a God, and He was kind....life would make a bit more sense than all this harsh reality of, nothing existed and it exploded because of nothing creating an immense universe (maybe infinite)and the Earth had for millions of years dinossaurs walking around and killing and eating each other and then a random asteroid comes by, crushes the Earth and wipe out them, and then a fish gets out of the water and starts walking, and then natural selection stirs up the genes creating different species including monkeys and after 6 million years of monkey evolution and reproduction, ultimately here we are for nothing, floating in a blue space ship for no reason whatsoever.

What abot our bodies? What about our physical existence? We were once simply two gametes that merged their genetically information and started constroying a human baby...nobody told that cells and gametas what to do, in fact, we have no control over them, the built of a baby inside a mother's womb is a complex process that happens and we have no awareness of what it's really happening or controlling the process...the pregnant womean doesn't say: "ok, now divide and specialize this cells to build a heart, then a stomach, then eyes, then a brain..." It just happens...that molecules and atoms and chemicals know what they're doing just because they're following a mysterious force...let's call it the force of life.

Of course I am not saying that I support the idea that there was a God  who created a woman and man out of nothing and we are all descendents of them (an inbreeding process!)...and God just got mad that Eve ate an apple of the knowledge tree which a talking snake told her to eat so God got mad at us and abandoned us...but He must return someday..if He's not too busy well, doing whatever He is doing....I am not saying we were created by a divinity but it's so strange how our atoms combined into molecules and then to form cells and then organs and then an universe of cells called body that works perfectly without our conscience knowing what is doing to keep us alive for no apparent reason sounds a bit like magic too...life is magic



But believing doesn't make it true and I not even can believe. For thousands of years humans believed in Gods...but if you ask people now if they believe in greek's gods, pagan's gods, celtic's gods, roman god's, nordic's gods,  they will laugh at you because (almost) every religion, or at least the most popular ones are monotheists...but here's the thing, why should there be a reason to think that the only God you believe is any less imaginary than the thousands of other Gods we already discount as mythical? Sometimes I wish humans simply could switch off all this existential crisis you know...we're the only specie ever wondering and brooding about this issues that we will never ever see solved or answered but we keep doing this to our minds over and over again! Other animals are atheists, we're the only specie having troubles with this...maybe because we think it's scary being the only living thing on Earth (or even universe (???)) capable of thinking and have deep emotions and feelings, and as we can't bare loneliness we just made up an imaginary friend who is said to be watching all over us.