in love,in fear, in hate, in tears

Sometimes people (family specially) argue with me, and I always try to seem strong, I argue back, sometimes I scream, I respond equally bad or even worse, I hear things that hurt me, I say things that will hurt that people...and in the end I get so overwhelmed that all my rage and anger suddenly turns into tears and I have to be ridicularized  for expressing feelings, making my strong mask fall....and it is really sad I have to keep using this mask with my family, continuously hurtig me, and they are so dumb to understand why I never show good feelings for them? like they show me any or start any converstation that is not meant to end up in an argument...so for not showing I love them, because I feel terrible hurt, they say I have no feelings.
It's sad, but at least I can come to my room, cry my heart out and let my tears dry on their own and remember why loneliness is better than being in the wrong company, even if that company is family.
After a while, when partially my anger is transformed into tears, I feel the pain diluted and I feel
much better.
Sad to acknowledge I only have myself, to find confort in myself, in a world that constantly hates me and tries to make me hate myself. But it's ok, because, I have me, I'll always have me, and if you are in a good company with yourself, yo can never feel alone.

I sing myself to sleep

A song from the darkest hour

Secrets I can't keep

In sight of the day

Swing from high to deep

Extremes of sweet and sour

My life is out of control

I believe this wave will bear my weight

So let it flow