why do I keep falling love with people who don't love me back?

I am still here, just been busy living my life and making friends and trying to keep them...so it made me feel less of a need to let off the steam in my blogue.
I am not always sad, but sadness and loneliness are main main drivers for my writing, it is when I get inspiration, but mostly the NEED to talk to someone who will listen and don't judge me or interrupt me...and so I write for my audience, that is whoever comes to my blogue to read my thoughts.

I am losing sleep and crying over the fact why I keep falling for people who don't love me back and chasing them while being ignored...it is hard to move on past a person I really really think I loved, and then, when I finally think I found someone to distract me from him, splitting my obsession focus, almost believing I moved on, that person treats me the same and leaves me in the same state of mental confusion, humiliation, shame and agonizing emotions of once again not being enough, this leads me to have even less self esteem and being even more closed and suspicious of other people trying to reach me. As I think that karma works, I somehow might had gave bad karma to all the people I loved and didn't love me back (but some even faked for a bit they cared, just so it could be even more cruel), so the Universe keeps me sending more and more people who seem interested in me for who I am, some claimed they liked me or tried to tell me or know me better, but I pushed them away, I didn't believe them, didn't gave them any chances (at least I never confused anyone or gave false hopes) and most of them, not even let them get closed to me, which in return keeps giving me bad karma. It's like in a twisted way you just need the assurance to know somebody sees any worth in you, feeding your ego in a way, but also having the pleasure of rejecting them, which in my case tastes like sort of revenge. Like, so I can't have who I want? Why should I give those persons what they want and force myself into liking them?If I couldn't have who I wanted, you can't even dream of having me!
I don't care of how many persons or how good they are to me...in my mind I will always feel hurt by the rejection  of the small amount of persons I claimed to have loved at an obsession level non reciprocated. And when I finally move from obsession to other I always end up in the same dead end situation, it is like I am really looking for the same rejection scenario, and it is no coincidence that the person who almost made me forget the obsession I had for 5 years has the same sun sign (cancer if you really want to know....for a reason this sign is named after a disease). At first they seem to care, talk and make time to me, make me believe there are some kind of special bond just to slowly ghosting me and make me do all the chase while giving me no appreciation or attention, being totally oblivious, dettached and indifferent to the pain it gives to me.
So I read some things trying to understand the underlying psychology of this phenomenon, and concluded it can be a mixture of a lot things.

Here are the main reasons I think I developed this pattern, mostly based on the article of  Psycology Today: "Why we obsess over people who don't want us?"
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-mysteries-love/201610/why-we-obsess-over-people-who-dont-want-us

Firstly, this feeling has a name, it is  called "Unrequited love" and it happens when someone have strong romantic feelings for someone that does not return those feelings. It’s a one-sided experience that leaves you suffering with pain, grief and shame and it has plagued lovers through the ages.

Love unreturned is rooted in lot of places, including our past experiences and childhood traumas, but it (almost) always stems from a warped sense of self and low self-esteem. Chances are, if  I keep looking for love in people that don’t love me back, I'm self-sabotaging  myself because I think I am unworthy of love, and the fact I keep people away who seem to like me is also part of it, since I think at a subconscious level that I don't deserve love.We choose these people because they represent the parts of us that we don’t love. So basically I don't love myself, though I try to act as if I do.

More generic reasons (I think as I said, in my case is a mixture of all):

* The real reason people chase after people they can’t have is because there is a part of them that believes that they’re not worthy of a fulfilling love life. The only way they can prove their worth is by winning the affections of their prize. 

It’s a matter of the chase, an exercise in pride, and a vain spell of infatuation — none these things are love.

*The biological  reason romantic rejection gets us hooked is that this sort of rejection stimulates parts of the brain associated with motivation, reward, addiction and cravings. We're addicted to thoughts of what could have been but never will be. Once we get stuck on those thoughts, being rejected by the other person can intensify them, leaving us to deal with obsession, which is a kind of addiction

* Another aspect of this anguish may have to do with the perceived value of the other person. If the other person doesn't want us or is not available for a relationship, their perceived value goes up. They become so "expensive" that we cannot "afford" them.

*As for childhood traumas, in a classic scenario, they grew up in a household with a mother or father who emotionally rejected them (in my case was more like the repressed emotions, because my parents (I know now!) cared about me, but never had the right words to say and the right attitudes to have, making me feel like they hated me and I ruined their lives by existing, leaving me with the feeling I have no one to count with and managing my emotions all alone and then  repressing them, which basically made me run away from love all my life and never getting too close to people or show affection. Since as a family we never really expressed love and talked about feelings, and that I always had the feeling everybody would judge me, and my parents specially (reading my diary to guests one day, did not helped!)).
For these individuals, being romantically rejected is a familiar feeling. Since we are always more likely to act in ways that are familiar to us, if we have a history of rejection, we are likely to seek situations where we should expect more rejection. Our brains interpret these scenarios as normal, even though we know that it is not normal to seek out scenarios that lead to pain and anguish.

* Finally, there is the "different ending" explanation: If we have a history of being rejected—by a parent, for example—we sometimes subconsciously seek out similar scenarios, hoping that the story will have a different ending next time.But it doesn't!

I wonder...

I know you don't, but the truth is that in my shrunk spirit I still love you in silence after all this time. Not who you are now, I don't know that person, not even the person you were back then, but the person I thought you were or could have been. And even my subconsciois brings you to haunt my dreams from time to time. Every now and then I cry listening to the same songs I used to cry over when I thought of you. And I keep looking for you in everyone else...and sometimes I find it, they all give me the same old strange but also familiar and agonizing feeling of unrequited love time and time and time again so I can keep self-sabotaging myself into believing I am not worth it. Sometimes they even made me think for a bit that I moved on...but they were just deceiving ways to find my sad way back to you. But deep down I love all that pain, grief and drama, it's like an old friend you just can't get rid off...it's a reminder of when you were around.